Thursdays 8:00 PM on NBC

Look at us, living together, driving together. We're like Batman and Shaft!

I'll show you the tool that's most important to our survival... but fair warning, it's my penis.

I say things others won't. That has value.

It's called a beer bong. You're not supposed to inhale, though — I almost died outside.

Jeff: There's no "Britta and Jeff."
Pierce: ... he said, fully erect.

Troy: I want TBD. Is that new?
Pierce: If it's what I think, I had it for about a month in the '70s.

Just pork her and move on. That's how we did it in my day.

Abed: He still assumes I'm a terrorist.
Pierce: If you're not, I'm sorry. If you are, I'm a hero. I'm willing to take that chance.

Britta: So what's the context for constantly calling me as a lesbian?
Pierce: If the wallet chain fits... I'm just trying to help you find yourself.

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