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Culturally, it's unacceptable, but it's theatrical dynamite!

When I was 30 people used to wish I was dead to my face, that's called respect.

Annie: Shirley, you are a guilt machine
Pierce: And annie knows a thing or two about guilt, am I right Jew?
Annie: Say the whole word.
Pierce: Jewey?
Troy: You would never catch a Jehovah's Witness saying "jewey."
Pierce: It comes with the birthday cake you never got.

Pierce: What are you? A North Korean seamstress?
Jeff: Not if that's bad.

Troy: You're pretty big dude, I bet you have some moves.
Jeff: Yeah I got some theories.
Abed: You've never been in a fight?
Jeff: Technically no. I guess I'm too charming and likeable. Call me a name.
Troy: I can't...
Pierce: You're telling me you've never been punched in the face?
Jeff: No, thank god. This is the money maker.

Pierce: Agnostic, the lazy man's athiest. I'm a born again.
Sherry: Oh...
Pierce: We had a re-birthing ritual in my friend's hot tub. I'm now a level five laser lotus in my Buddhist community.
Britta: That does not sound like Buddhism, are you sure you're not in a cult?
Pierce: Just by asking that question, you put me down to a level four. You now owe me 2000 energon cubes.
Troy: Do you know how foolish you sound right now? What else do you believe in, blood transfusions?

Britta: The real reason men fight is to release their pent-up gayness.
Pierce: That guy wasn't gay, he had a mustache.

Pierce: So what's the deal Jeff, you leave your stones in your other suit? Why didn't you wrap that guy in the face?
Jeff: For the same reason I floss, have a bed frame, and keep my guitar in its case. I'm over 23.

Shirley: I made you all a little gift because you're like my new family.
Annie: WWBJD?
Pierce: If it stands for "What Would Billy Joel Do?", I'll tell you right now, he'd write another crappy song.
Troy: Yeah, in your face Billy Joel.
[Troy mouths who is that to Annie, who mouths back I don't know]
Shirley: It stands for "What Would Baby Jesus Do?"

Pierce: At some point a man stops looking for a place to hang his underwear and starts looking for a place to hang his hat.
Jeff: I'm sorry I was waiting for that to become inappropriate or racist.

Annie [to Jeff]: You have to get Chang to call off some of this homework. You're the one with the silver tongue.
Pierce: Yeah, go tongue Chang.

Annie: Are you breaking up with the group?
Jeff: If that's what you want. [walks away]
Pierce: I've been divorced seven times. Turns off your cell phones and bury all your money in the backyard.

Displaying quotes 85 - 96 of 112 in total

Community Quotes

Sensible night, appropriate night.
Snow on ground, left and right.
Round yon purchase of decorative things.
Tolerant rewrite of carols to sing.
Function with relative ease,
Function with relative ease.

Shirley [sung to the tune of "Silent Night"]

Annie: The midterm dance will need a visual theme. Like, 'Let's blow off steam,' and it's trains!
Chang: I have an idea!
Annie: Chang, your last idea was to murder.