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Pierce: abed, Your social skills aren't exactly streets ahead, know what I mean?
Abed: I don't.
Jeff. you're not alone in this case. Pierce, stop trying to coin the phrase, streets ahead
Pierce: Trying? Coined and minted.

Shirley: I've never been a captain before.
Pierce: I have I commanded a jet ski through an electrical storm and only had one casualty.
Troy: Jet skis only hold two people.
Pierce: Exactly, I saved half the crew.

Have a family, share your life. That and learning computers are two things you just can't knock out at the end.

Troy: You should be like Calvin. His best friend was a tiger, he always went on dope adventures, and if anything stood in his way, he just peed on it.
Pierce: Calvin Coolidge?

I can't think of anything more frightening than a half-Polish, half-Arab virgin in his thirties. One way or another, that ends with an explosion.

Troy: Abed, what are you doing?
Abed: Being myself.
Troy: Go be yourself by Jenny.
Abed: I wouldn't go over there.
Pierce: How do you know that?
Abed: A lifetime of observation mostly.

Chang: We're going to get frozen yogurt.
Pierce [getting on Chang's scooter]: I'm not gay man, they close in seven minutes.
Troy: I could have driven you.
Chang: You said he hated froyo.
Pierce: Just drive!
Troy: Slut!

Jeff: You started having sex with Britta's ex-boyfriend!
Annie: What? We haven't even kissed.
Pierce: That doesn't mean you're not having sex.

Pierce: What's the matter? Mama Chang didn't breast feed?
Chang: "She read in a book that it wouldn't make a difference.

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