Principal Skinner: Willie, go into the vent and get him.
Groundskeeper Willie: What!? Have ye gone waxy in yer beester? I canna fit in the wee vent, ye croquet-playin' mint-muncher!
Principal Skinner: Grease yourself up and go in, you guff-speaking work-slacker.
Groundskeeper Willie: Ooh. Good comeback.

• Permalink: Willie, go into the vent and get him. What!? Have ye gone waxy...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Skinner: Now It's never easy to come to a new school so let's make her feel right at home. Please say a big Elementary school hello to Samantha Stinky!
Samantha: Stanky.
Skinner: Oh, right....how embarrassing for you.

• Permalink: Now It's never easy to come to a new school so let's make her fe...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

(After the Diet Coke and Mentos explosion.)
Superintendent Chalmers: Skinner! (Pause) Skinner?
Principal Skinner: I'm alright, sir.
Superintendent Chalmers: Don't ever scare me like that again.

• Permalink: Skinner! Skinner? I'm alright, sir. Don't ever scare me li...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Principal Skinner: What's he doing here?
Bart: Well once he found out we were going to get Ned Flanders fired, he insisted on helping.
Homer: That is true.

• Permalink: What's he doing here? Well once he found out we were going to ...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Homer: So, Mr. Malloy, it seems that the cat has been caught by the very person who was trying to catch him.
Principal Skinner: How ironic.

• Permalink: So, Mr. Malloy, it seems that the cat has been caught by the ver...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Skinner: Bart, I'm flabbergasted. Surely you knew as you were writing your own name in 40-foot-high letters on the field that you would be caught.
Bart: Maybe it was one of the other Barts. Sir.
Skinner: (Yelling) There are no other Barts!

• Permalink: Bart, I'm flabbergasted. Surely you knew as you were writing you...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lady: Some large men to see you, sir.
Skinner: Uh, I don't have an appointment with any large men...
Fat Tony: Are you Skinner?
Skinner: I'm Principal Skinner, yes! And how may I ask did you get past the hall monitors?

• Permalink: Some large men to see you, sir. Uh, I don't have an appointmen...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Damn! They're very slowly getting away!

• Permalink: Damn! They're very slowly getting away!
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Principal Skinner: Pull, Willie, pull!
Groundskeeper Willie: I'm doin' all the pulling, you blouse-wearing poodle-walker!

• Permalink: Pull, Willie, pull! I'm doin' all the pulling, you blouse-wear...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Principal Skinner: I'd do anything for my beloved Army.
Recruiter: How about re-enlisting?
Principal Skinner: How about you bite me?

• Permalink: I'd do anything for my beloved Army. How about re-enlisting? ...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Simpson! I'll teach you to make a Poupon me!

• Permalink: Simpson! I'll teach you to make a Poupon me!
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

It's called precipitation because it never fails to precipitate bad behavior.

• Permalink: It's called precipitation because it never fails to precipitate bad behavior.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0