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Skinner: Okay, you have a deal, you conniving little (whispers in Bart's ear)
Bart: Wow, that's a swear!?
Skinner: Used as a noun, it is.
- Permalink: Okay, you have a deal, you conniving little Wow, that's a swe...
Skinner: Moving on, our class trip to Italy is now spaghetti night at Papa John's. And your $1,500 deposits will not be refunded.
Homer: (excitedly) Ooh! Papa John's.
- Permalink: Moving on, our class trip to Italy is now spaghetti night at Pap...
Mrs. Krabapel: This game is a great way to meet eligible men who can afford a computer.
(Skinner's character, a scaly turkey, comes up)
Skinner: Or have access to one in the school library.
Mrs. Krabapel: It's amazing how you can be a turkey in every reality.
Skinner: What's important is we're talking.
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Skinner: Simpson, I know you're behind this! Well, you are going to get some counseling from the school psychologist!
School Psychologist: DARK STANLEY'S GONNA EAT MY BRAINS!
Superintendent Chalmers: Or from a qualified professional.
- Permalink: Simpson, I know you're behind this! Well, you are going to get s...
Groundskeeper Willie: I'll bring those kids back dead or alive!
Skinner: Not DEAD!
Groundskeeper Willie: Aw, you never let Willie be Willie!
- Permalink: I'll bring those kids back dead or alive! Not DEAD! Aw, you ...
What monster, or pair of monsters would steal all of our fire extinguishers?
- Permalink: What monster, or pair of monsters would steal all of our fire ex...
Bart: Where is Nelson?
Skinner: I'm sorry. Nelson never woke up.
Skinner: Never woke up because he never passed out -- he's right over there.
- Permalink: Where is Nelson? I'm sorry. Nelson never woke up. What?! N...
Principal Skinner: I'd do anything for my beloved Army.
Recruiter: How about re-enlisting?
Principal Skinner: How about you bite me?
- Permalink: I'd do anything for my beloved Army. How about re-enlisting? ...
(Using peanuts as a threat, Bart forces Skinner to do things against his will at Comic Book Guy's shop.)
Principal Skinner: (Clears throat) Excuse me. I'm supposed to stand in your store window and breast-feed Bilbo Baggins.
Comic Book Guy: Your cowering suggests that Bart has found your kryptonite.
Principal Skinner: Kryptonite? What's that? The "ite" suffix suggests a mineral.
Comic Book Guy: I do not know whether to laugh or cry at your ignorance. I shall laugh. Ha, ha! Kryptonite is Superman's greatest weakness.
Principal Skinner: Wait, maybe Bart has a kryptonite!
Comic Book Guy: Perhaps. But for now you may suckle your Baggins.
(Comic Book Guy hands a Bilbo Baggins doll to Principal Skinner.)
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(Principal Skinner finally stands up to Bart's peanut threats.)
Principal Skinner: Simpson, you've been waving your nuts in my face for too long. Eat shrimp and die!
(Principal Skinner holds up a stick with a shrimp attached to it.)
Bart: No! I'm allergic!
(Bart holds up his stick with a peanut attached to it.)
Principal Skinner: Stick-on-stick. Just like the knights of old.
Bart: No one teaches me history!
- Permalink: Simpson, you've been waving your nuts in my face for too long. E...
(to Lisa) Seymour Skinner never puts all his eggs in one basket. That's why they call me "Two Basket Skinner." (pause) What? They do.
- Permalink: Seymour Skinner never puts all his eggs in one basket. That's wh...
Principal Skinner: Martin Prince was known by many names. Martin Priss, Martin Princess, Fartsin Prince, Martin the Brown-Nose Reindeer...
Dolph: That was mine.
- Permalink: Martin Prince was known by many names. Martin Priss, Martin Prin...