Principal Skinner Quotes
Superintendent Chalmers: We're gonna put Bart Simpson away for a long, long time.
Principal Skinner: By law, the most we can give him is a 10-day suspension.
Superintendent Chalmers: That's long to a kid.
- Permalink: We're gonna put Bart Simpson away for a long, long time. By la...
(After the Diet Coke and Mentos explosion.)
Superintendent Chalmers: Skinner! (Pause) Skinner?
Principal Skinner: I'm alright, sir.
Superintendent Chalmers: Don't ever scare me like that again.
- Permalink: Skinner! Skinner? I'm alright, sir. Don't ever scare me li...
Nelson: (to Washington Post reporter) Haw-haw! Your medium is dying!
Principal Skinner: Nelson!
Nelson: But it is.
Principal Skinner: There's being right and there's being nice.
- Permalink: Haw-haw! Your medium is dying! Nelson! But it is. There's ...
(In "Mr. & Mrs. Simpson" Homer and Marge both shoot Principal Skinner.)
Principal Skinner: (Dying) Remember me... on pizza... Fridays.
- Permalink: Remember me... on pizza... Fridays. No!
Superintendent Chalmers: I'm a bit of a crossword head myself. They help me relax after a day of having to deal with... Skinner!
Principal Skinner: You called?
Superintendent Chalmers: Made reference.
Principal Skinner: My mistake.
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Principal Skinner: I can't believe I'm out of gas. I put in one dollar of gas and I've only driven ninety cents.
Agnes Skinner: You had to drive with the windows open, didn't you, Rockefeller?
- Permalink: I can't believe I'm out of gas. I put in one dollar of gas and I...
(Principal Skinner treats Superintendent Chalmers to dinner at his home.)
Superintendent Chalmers: Seymour, those string beans were cooked to perfection. After 20 years, I am finally starting to like you.
Principal Skinner: Just wait for dessert, sir. I made it with you in mind.
Superintendent Chalmers: Outstanding. I'll just shut my eyes and let you place it before me.
(Selma's erotic cake accidentally flies in through the window and lands on the table in front of Chalmers and Skinner and the two recoil in horror when they see it.)
Agnes: (from upstairs) Seymour! What's going on? I'm coming down there!
Superintendent Chalmers: Quick! We'll have to eat from each end. We'll know we're safe when our lips meet in the middle.
- Permalink: Seymour, those string beans were cooked to perfection. After 20 ...
Principal Skinner: You yell at me for everything.
Superintendent Chalmers: Well I cant yell at anyone else. Teachers have unions. Students have parents.
Principal Skinner: What about Willie?
Superintendent Chalmers: I like Willie.
- Permalink: You yell at me for everything. Well I cant yell at anyone else...
Lisa, one of the hardest jobs I have is throwing cold water on young children's dreams. Ralph, you're not a kangaroo.
- Permalink: Lisa, one of the hardest jobs I have is throwing cold water on y...
Buying trophies from those cash-strapped schools really filled out the case.
- Permalink: Buying trophies from those cash-strapped schools really filled o...
Why, there are no children here at the 4H club, either! Am I so out of touch? No, it's the children who are wrong.
- Permalink: Why, there are no children here at the 4H club, either! Am I so ...
Principal Skinner: You're stealing a table?
Homer: I'm not stealing it. Hotels expect you to take a few things. It's a souvenir!
Principal Skinner: Ah. Is that my necktie you're wearing?
- Permalink: You're stealing a table? I'm not stealing it. Hotels expect yo...
Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
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Homer: Aw, twenty dollars? I wanted a peanut!
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.
Homer: Explain how!
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.
- Permalink: Aw, twenty dollars? I wanted a peanut! Twenty dollars can buy...