Principal Skinner Quotes
(Using peanuts as a threat, Bart forces Skinner to do things against his will at Comic Book Guy's shop.)
Principal Skinner: (Clears throat) Excuse me. I'm supposed to stand in your store window and breast-feed Bilbo Baggins.
Comic Book Guy: Your cowering suggests that Bart has found your kryptonite.
Principal Skinner: Kryptonite? What's that? The "ite" suffix suggests a mineral.
Comic Book Guy: I do not know whether to laugh or cry at your ignorance. I shall laugh. Ha, ha! Kryptonite is Superman's greatest weakness.
Principal Skinner: Wait, maybe Bart has a kryptonite!
Comic Book Guy: Perhaps. But for now you may suckle your Baggins.
(Comic Book Guy hands a Bilbo Baggins doll to Principal Skinner.)
- Permalink: Excuse me. I'm supposed to stand in your store window and breast...
(Principal Skinner finally stands up to Bart's peanut threats.)
Principal Skinner: Simpson, you've been waving your nuts in my face for too long. Eat shrimp and die!
(Principal Skinner holds up a stick with a shrimp attached to it.)
Bart: No! I'm allergic!
(Bart holds up his stick with a peanut attached to it.)
Principal Skinner: Stick-on-stick. Just like the knights of old.
Bart: No one teaches me history!
- Permalink: Simpson, you've been waving your nuts in my face for too long. E...
(to Lisa) Seymour Skinner never puts all his eggs in one basket. That's why they call me "Two Basket Skinner." (pause) What? They do.
- Permalink: Seymour Skinner never puts all his eggs in one basket. That's wh...
Principal Skinner: Martin Prince was known by many names. Martin Priss, Martin Princess, Fartsin Prince, Martin the Brown-Nose Reindeer...
Dolph: That was mine.
- Permalink: Martin Prince was known by many names. Martin Priss, Martin Prin...
Superintendent Chalmers: We're gonna put Bart Simpson away for a long, long time.
Principal Skinner: By law, the most we can give him is a 10-day suspension.
Superintendent Chalmers: That's long to a kid.
- Permalink: We're gonna put Bart Simpson away for a long, long time. By la...
(After the Diet Coke and Mentos explosion.)
Superintendent Chalmers: Skinner! (Pause) Skinner?
Principal Skinner: I'm alright, sir.
Superintendent Chalmers: Don't ever scare me like that again.
- Permalink: Skinner! Skinner? I'm alright, sir. Don't ever scare me li...
Nelson: (to Washington Post reporter) Haw-haw! Your medium is dying!
Principal Skinner: Nelson!
Nelson: But it is.
Principal Skinner: There's being right and there's being nice.
- Permalink: Haw-haw! Your medium is dying! Nelson! But it is. There's ...
(In "Mr. & Mrs. Simpson" Homer and Marge both shoot Principal Skinner.)
Principal Skinner: (Dying) Remember me... on pizza... Fridays.
- Permalink: Remember me... on pizza... Fridays. No!
Superintendent Chalmers: I'm a bit of a crossword head myself. They help me relax after a day of having to deal with... Skinner!
Principal Skinner: You called?
Superintendent Chalmers: Made reference.
Principal Skinner: My mistake.
- Permalink: I'm a bit of a crossword head myself. They help me relax after a...