Principal Skinner Quotes (Page 4)
Season 18, Episode 14: "Yokel Chords"
Groundskeeper Willie: I'll bring those kids back dead or alive!
Skinner: Not DEAD!
Groundskeeper Willie: Aw, you never let Willie be Willie!
• Rating: Unrated
Skinner: Simpson, I know you're behind this! Well, you are going to get some counseling from the school psychologist!
School Psychologist: DARK STANLEY'S GONNA EAT MY BRAINS!
Superintendent Chalmers: Or from a qualified professional.
• Rating: Unrated
Season 18, Episode 12: "Little Big Girl"
Skinner: What monster, or pair of monsters would steal all of our fire extinguishers?
• Rating: Unrated
Season 18, Episode 8: "The Haw-Hawed Couple"
Bart: Where is Nelson?
Skinner: I'm sorry. Nelson never woke up.
Bart: What?!
Skinner: Never woke up because he never passed out -- he's right over there.
• Rating: Unrated
Season 18, Episode 5: "G.I. (Annoyed Grunt)"
Principal Skinner: I'd do anything for my beloved Army.
Recruiter: How about re-enlisting?
Principal Skinner: How about you bite me?
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Season 18, Episode 3: "Please Homer, Don't Hammer 'Em"
(Using peanuts as a threat, Bart forces Skinner to do things against his will at Comic Book Guy's shop.)
Principal Skinner: (Clears throat) Excuse me. I'm supposed to stand in your store window and breast-feed Bilbo Baggins.
Comic Book Guy: Your cowering suggests that Bart has found your kryptonite.
Principal Skinner: Kryptonite? What's that? The "ite" suffix suggests a mineral.
Comic Book Guy: I do not know whether to laugh or cry at your ignorance. I shall laugh. Ha, ha! Kryptonite is Superman's greatest weakness.
Principal Skinner: Wait, maybe Bart has a kryptonite!
Comic Book Guy: Perhaps. But for now you may suckle your Baggins.
(Comic Book Guy hands a Bilbo Baggins doll to Principal Skinner.)
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
(Principal Skinner finally stands up to Bart's peanut threats.)
Principal Skinner: Simpson, you've been waving your nuts in my face for too long. Eat shrimp and die!
(Principal Skinner holds up a stick with a shrimp attached to it.)
Bart: No! I'm allergic!
(Bart holds up his stick with a peanut attached to it.)
Principal Skinner: Stick-on-stick. Just like the knights of old.
Bart: No one teaches me history!
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Season 5, Episode 20: "The Boy Who Knew Too Much"
Principal Skinner: Why, there are no children here at the 4H club, either! Am I so out of touch? No, it's the children who are wrong.
• Rating: Unrated
Principal Skinner: (thinking) I know you can read my thoughts, Bart. Just a little reminder. If I find out you cut class, your ass is mine. Yes, you heard me. I think words I would never say.
Homer: (thinking) I know you can read my thoughts, boy. (singing) Meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Homer: What does "sequestered" mean?
Principal Skinner: If the jury is deadlocked they're put up in a hotel together so they can't communicate with the outside world.
Homer: What does "deadlocked" mean?
Principal Skinner: It's when the jury can't agree on a verdict.
Homer: Uh huh. And "if"?
Principal Skinner: A conjunction meaning "in the event that" or "on condition that".
Homer: So if we don't all vote the same way, we'll be deadlocked and have to be sequestered in the Springfield Palace Hotel--
Patty: That's not going to happen.
Jasper: Let's vote. My liver is failing.
Homer: --where we'll get a free room, free food, free swimming pool, free HBO ooh! Free Willy!
• Rating: Unrated
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Total Quotes: 92
