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The-simpsons

Principal Skinner: Your punishment is 400 days detention.
Bart: I could easily do that on my head.
Principal Skinner: 500 days!
Bart: Oh, ho ho.
Principal Skinner: 600 days!
Bart: Maybe I should keep my big mouth shut.

Bart: Seymour, this is an absent slip signed by Nelson's mother. And this is Nelson's English homework. Notice the identical elongated loops on the d's.
Principal Skinner: Forgery! So he didn't have leprosy!

Teacher: This is a great day for me. I thought I could never teach again!
Skinner: Oh, things have changed. There will be no mockery of your name, Mr. Glascock.

Principal Skinner: Some sick individual has stolen every "Teacher's Edition!"
Teacher: What do we do?
Mrs. Krabappel: Declare a snow day!
Teacher #2: Does anyone know the multiplication table?

(trying to get attention of school) People.... people. You know I can wait just as long as you. (fails) KNOCK IT OFF!

Principle Skinner: Oh, licking envelopes can be fun! All you have to do is make a game of it.
Bart: What kind of game?
Principle Skinner: Well, for example, you could see how many you could lick in an hour, then try to break that record.
Bart: Sounds like a pretty crappy game to me.
Principle Skinner: Yes, well... Get started.

Bart: More stink lines boys...
Skinner: What's this? What are you boys doing?
Bart: (yawn) You didn't see nothing, now beat it!

Lady: Some large men to see you, sir.
Skinner: Uh, I don't have an appointment with any large men...
Fat Tony: Are you Skinner?
Skinner: I'm Principal Skinner, yes! And how may I ask did you get past the hall monitors?

Ralph: What's Lyme Disease?
Principal Skinner: I'll field that one. Lyme disease is spread by small parasites called ticks. When a diseased tick attaches itself to you, it begins sucking your blood. Malignant spirochetes infect your bloodstream, eventually spreading to your spinal fluid and on into the brain.
Miss Hoover: The Brain? Oh dear god!

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