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Randy: Yeah, the players should all wear bras! And instead of helmets, they should wear little tin-foil hats, because you know, it's the future, and we shouldn't be so barbaric!
Principal Victoria: How will the bras and tin-foil hats make it safer?
Randy: Oh, you're all not getting it, see, while we're at it, we'll have a balloon instead of a ball, and whoever catches the ballon will tries to run while all the other players hug!

Principal: Hello, boys.
Stan: Wait, what's going on here?
Kyle: Alright look, we don't know for sure why Cartman is ditching school, but it has something to do with abortions.That's all we know.
Mr. Mackey: You didn't do anything wrong, boys; We just need to talk to you. Have a seat.
(Stan and Kyle sit down)
Mr. Mackey: Well boys, your little friend, Kenny, went to the hospital last night, m'kay? And well...he's pretty sick.
Kyle: Kenny's sick?
Stan: Well, how sick?
Chef: Children, Kenny has been diagnosed with a terminal disease.
Stan: But the doctor's are gonna make him better, right?
Sharon: Oh, dear.
Stan But mom, that's what hospitals are for, they can make him better.
Sharon: Oh, Randy.
Randy: They don't think so, Stanley. Your friend is terminally ill, and that means--well son...that means he's gonna be going to Heaven soon.
Kyle: Wait, Kenny's going to die?
Gerald: He might, Kyle.
Stan: But he's our f-f-friend.
Mr. Mackey: We know, and that's why he's going to need you boys to be strong for him, m'kay? He needs you now, more then ever.
Stan: No! This can't happen! Kenny can't die! Kenny can't die!
(Stan begins sobbing into his dad's shoulder)

Mr. Mackey: Every year the fourth graders do "The Miracle Worker", and every year we have to sit and watch it.
Principal Victoria: Yeah, I swore that if I had to see it one more time I'd put a bullet in my head. But luckily, I got really stoned before I came.

Chef: Hey, Mackey! Sign up to march on Wednesday?
Mr. Mackey: Oh, Wednesday? Wednesday's tough. I guess- maybe I could do somethin' uh, Thursday afternoon.
Chef: Alright, fudge it, Thursday. Anyone else wanna go Thursday?
Principal Victoria: Thursday's no good, we've got choir council.
Mr. Mackey: Oh, yeah.
Principal Victoria: What about next Sunday?
Chef: Fine! Next Sunday!
Man 1: You mean, during the ball game?
Man 2: Oh, yeah. We can't do Sunday.
Chef: Monday??
Principal Victoria: Oh, I can't do Monday.
Man: I could do Tuesday.
Mr. Mackey: Yeah, Tuesday morning's good.
Woman: You know what would be better for me is Saturday afternoon.
Man 2: Saturday is perfect for me.
Principal Victoria: Yeah. How about Saturday at 11:30?
Woman: Yeah.
Man 3: That sounds good.
Man 2: Yep.
Mr. Mackey: Yeah, I think that's the best day.
Chef: Okay! On Saturday, we march!
Man 2: Oh, march? What are we marching for?
Chef: To bring down the South Park Flag!
(People start walking away)
Man: Oh, I gotta go.

Principal Victoria: Mr. Garrison, last week's charges of trying to solicit sex from a minor...
Mr. Garrison: That was not me! That was Mr. Hat!

Gerald Broflovski: Principle Victoria are you aware that my client was being harassed at your school?
Principal Victoria: Well not any more than any other student.
Gerald Broflovski: So you admit that harassment goes on?
Principal Victoria: I don't know.
Gerald Broflovski: You don't know, Your the principal!
Principal Victoria: I can't be around them every second.
Gerald Broflovski: So it does go on!
Principal Victoria: Alright alright i killed him. I hit him over the head and I cut up the body. I tried to burn it but it wouldn't burn. Oh the smell of it. I put the legs in garbage bags and hid the torso under a bridge. I had to do it.
(Principal Victoria starts crying)
Principal Victoria: Oh god!
Gerald Broflovski: Principal Victoria was Eric Cartmen called an a** Sucker yes or no?
Principal Victoria: I believe so yes.

Displaying all 6 quotes

South Park Quotes

James Cameron doesn't do what James Cameron does for James Cameron. James Cameron does what James Cameron does because James Cameron is James Cameron!

James Cameron

It's a man's obligation to stick his boneration in a woman's separation, this sort of penetration will increase the population of the younger generation.

</i> Cartman
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