Leonard: Hi. I'm Leonard. You are beautiful. You pop, sparkle and buzz electric. I'm going to pick you up at eight, show you a night you will never forget.
Raj: Where are we going?

You can't ruin a friendship with sex that's like trying to ruin ice cream with chocolate sprinkles.

Oh, Bernadette, please play my clarinet.

Raj's poem

If I could speak the language of rabbits, they would be amazed and I would be their king... I would be kind to my rabbit subjects... at first.... One day, I hold a great ball for the President of France, but the rabbits don't come. I'm embarrassed so I eat all the lettuce in the world.. and make the rabbits watch.

Raj: To quote Shakespeare, "It is better to have loved and lost than to stay home every night and download increasingly shameful pornography."
Penny: Oh, you poor baby!
Raj: What's wrong with me, Penny?
Penny: Nothing! Nothing. You know, if we weren't friends - and you hadn't brought up that creepy pornography story - I'd be on you like the speed of light squared on matter to make energy.

Leonard: Look at the bright side. [Lalita] might turn out to be a nice, beautiful girl.
Raj: Great, then we'll get married, I won't be able to talk to her, and we'll spend the rest of our lives in total silence.
Wolowitz: Worked for my parents

Penny [to Raj about Lalita]: No one can make you get married. Why don't you just meet this girl and see what happens?
Raj: Haven't you been listening to me? I cannot talk to women!
Leonard: Um, Raj?
Wolowitz: No, no, let's see how long it takes him

Sheldon: I have got the Sword of Azeroth!
Leonard: Forget the sword, Sheldon. Help Raj.
Sheldon: There is no more Sheldon. I am the sword master!
Wolowitz: Leonard, look out!
Leonard: Damn it, Sheldon, we're dying here.
Sheldon: Goodbye, peasants.
Leonard: Bastard teleported!
Raj: He's selling the Sword of Azeroth on eBay.
Leonard: You betrayed us for money? Who are you?
Sheldon: I'm a rogue night elf. Don't you people read character descriptions? Wait, wait, wait... somebody just clicked Buy It Now.
Wolowitz: I am the sword master!

If we were in India this would be simpler. Five minutes with her dad, 20 goats and a laptop, and it would be done

Raj [on approaching a girl]

Sheldon: I shower twice a day and wash my hands as often as I can.
Lalita: Really? So do I!
Raj: But you're a dentist, he's nuts

Raj [drunk]: Where did my life go, Penny?
[everyone is shocked Raj is talking to Penny]
Raj: One day, I'm a carefree bachelor, and the next, I'm married and driving a minivan to pee-wee cricket matches in suburban New Delhi.
Penny: Are you talking to me?
Raj: Is there another Penny here?

How can I be a gynocologist? I can barely look a woman in the eye!

TBBT Quotes

Sheldon: Why do you have the Chinese character for "soup" tattooed on your right buttock?
Penny: It's not "soup," it's "courage."
Sheldon: No it isn't. But I suppose it does take courage to demonstrate that kind of commitment to soup.
Penny: How'd you see it? You said you wouldn't look.
Sheldon: Sorry. As I told you, the hero always peeks.

Penny: Hey, Sheldon, did you change your Wi-Fi password again?
Sheldon: Yes, it's "Penny, get your own Wi-Fi." No spaces.