The Big Bang Theory

Mondays 8:00 PM on CBS
The big bang theory

Leonard: Hi. I'm Leonard. You are beautiful. You pop, sparkle and buzz electric. I'm going to pick you up at eight, show you a night you will never forget.
Raj: Where are we going?

Raj: I was trying to help you! And at the first sign of trouble you ran away, leaving me to fend off a family of rats! You're a completely selfish human being and a... and a physical and a moral coward!
Sheldon: His statements of the obvious continue to annoy.

Raj: Okay, here's another one: if a zombie bites a vampire, and the vampire bites a human, does the human become a vampire or a zombie? Or, a zompire?

Sheldon: I recently read that during World War Two, Joseph Stalin had a research program to create supersoldiers by having women impregnated by gorillas.
Howard: What a sick use of science.
Raj: Hey, as long as the baby's healthy.
Amy: I wonder if Stalin considered any other animals.
Leonard: Hippos are the deadliest creature. A half-human, half-hippo soldier would be pretty badass.
Howard: Yes, but when they're hungry-hungry, you can stop them with marbles.
Sheldon: Yeah, the correct animal for interspecies supersolider is koala. You would wind up with an army so cute it couldn't be attacked.

You can't ruin a friendship with sex that's like trying to ruin ice cream with chocolate sprinkles.

Raj: Ahh, the premature I love you.
Wolowitz: : I guessed premature, does that count?

Sheldon: Ten years ago upon first seeing me, your husband claimed that I look like C-3P0 and Pee-Wee Herman. And he called me C-3P-Wee Herman.
Raj: Still funny.

We represent the lollipop gang and we want you.

Raj [to Sheldon]

Go away! She wants New Delhi, not Kosher Deli!

Did we at least rent the car from Enterprise? Get it? Enterprise? Screw you. That's funny.

Lakshmi: I'm gay.
Raj: Like dude-on-dude but with women?

Howard: Creepy chummy, like you and your dog.
Raj: She feeds him out of her own mouth?
Howard: I mean, he calls her Debbie, she calls him Stewie and they're all giggly around each other. And believe me, when food goes in that mouth, it does not come out.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 298 in total

TBBT Quotes

Leonard: Hi. I'm Leonard. You are beautiful. You pop, sparkle and buzz electric. I'm going to pick you up at eight, show you a night you will never forget.
Raj: Where are we going?

Leonard: What? You're afraid of both dinosaurs and chickens.
Sheldon: Yes, but tell me a dinosaur chicken salad sandwich wouldn't hit the Mesozoic spot.

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