Sheldon: I recently read that during World War Two, Joseph Stalin had a research program to create supersoldiers by having women impregnated by gorillas.
Howard: What a sick use of science.
Raj: Hey, as long as the baby's healthy.
Amy: I wonder if Stalin considered any other animals.
Leonard: Hippos are the deadliest creature. A half-human, half-hippo soldier would be pretty badass.
Howard: Yes, but when they're hungry-hungry, you can stop them with marbles.
Sheldon: Yeah, the correct animal for interspecies supersolider is koala. You would wind up with an army so cute it couldn't be attacked.

Howard: Creepy chummy, like you and your dog.
Raj: She feeds him out of her own mouth?
Howard: I mean, he calls her Debbie, she calls him Stewie and they're all giggly around each other. And believe me, when food goes in that mouth, it does not come out.

Raj: Boy, I'm so hungry today. I wonder why?
Howard: Because you had sex the other night?
Raj: You know what? That may be it. By the way, it isn't like riding a bike. Like, I fell off a few times.

Leonard: Penny and I have some big news.
Penny: We're engaged!
Raj: And I thought me having sex with Emily was gonna be the big news.

Emily: If I saw you out with another woman, I'd be pretty upset.
Raj: Thank you. Not just for being upset, but for believing that could happen.

Sheldon: I don't have all the ingredients to make chai tea.
Raj: You don't have to make me anything.
Sheldon: No, I do. You're upset about Emily and you're Indian. I need to make you chai tea. Now, I have all the ingredients except cardamom seeds. Do you happen to have any on you?
Raj: Sorry, I left them in my turban.
Sheldon: Oh, I'll make English breakfast tea. They destroyed your culture. That's close enough.

Raj: Aren't you gonna get 3-D glasses?
Sheldon: I brought my own. No sense in risking bridge-of-nose herpes.
Raj: Is that a real thing?
Sheldon: Well, until they invent nose condoms, I'm not finding out.

Raj: If she isn't gonna use it, then why are we doing this?
Howard: She'll use it. All I need is to rig it with a fishing pole and a Honey Baked Ham.

May the forth be with you. Get it?

Raj: Then, why do you watch these things?
Emily: Can I tell you something without you judging me?
Raj: Sure.
Emily: They kind of turn me on.
Raj: And play.

Raj: Why can't I be in a relationship with a girl who likes The Sound of Music?
Howard: Raj, you are the girl in the relationship who likes The Sound of Music..

Howard: Oh, come on-- she could have a freezer full of ex-boyfriend's body parts and you'd still go out with her.
Raj: I do like that the ex-boyfriend's out of the picture.

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Hey, Sheldon, did you change your Wi-Fi password again?
Sheldon: Yes, it's "Penny, get your own Wi-Fi." No spaces.

Penny, there's only one cookie with something in the middle that solves life's problems, and that's an Oreo. Or a Nutter Butter, if you're in a pinch.