The Big Bang Theory

Thursdays 8:00 PM on CBS
The big bang theory
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Penny: Okay, I don't think Meryl Streep ever had to say (deep voice): "Must keep gorilla hands from killing again."
Raj: If she did, it would be amazing. That woman can do no wrong.

Howard: Is that book called Lies I Tell to Get Sex?
Raj: Is that a real book? I would totally read that book.
Amy: Can I borrow it when you're done?

Bernadette: Raj, your tag's sticking out.
Raj: Thank you. That's the closest I've come to sex in like 2 years.
Bernadette: Well, I feel gross.
Raj: Now it's making it seem more real for me.

Screw that! I sat on the floor for 7 years. I'm staying right here!

This is so much better than watching TV like a muggle.

Raj: This might be my second favorite brown magic wand.
Howard: Well, that's the last time I play with that.

Bernadette: Have you guys ever thought about getting a dining room table?
Amy: Yeah. You actually do have room for one up there.
Raj: Oh, sure, I sit on the floor for years, no one cares. The pretty white girl's there ten seconds, and suddenly we're all running to Ikea.

You do whatever it takes to save her life. If she needs new organs, I'll buy any dog necessary and scrap them for parts!

Amy: An evening looking at the stars, that's still kind of romantic.
Raj: Except I'll be alone.
Amy: I'm trying to put lipstick on a pig here. Work with me.

Leonard: I say this one time instead of wimping out, let's be badasses!
Raj: Okay, I'll be a badass -- but only if you pinkie swear to be one, too.

Raj: So that's it. Everything's sold out?
Leonard: Yeah.
Howard: I can't believe we're not going.
Sheldon: It's okay. You know, there-there's always WonderCon in Annheim, you know? That-That's just as good. ... Excuse me. [Cries]

Raj: Anyone in?
All the Guys: No!
Sheldon: Do not stop refreshing your screens!
All the Guys: Refresh. Refresh. Refresh....
Penny: Yeah, this is not gonna be enough coffee.

Displaying quotes 37 - 48 of 305 in total

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Here's a question-- as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?
Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals?
Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.
Sheldon: Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it.
Penny: You're kidding.
Sheldon: I may be an alien, but I have urges.If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on.

Sheldon: Ugh! English pudding. Y-You get yourself all excited for pudding, and here comes a cake with raisins in it. I'm not going.
Amy: You're going.
Sheldon: Why do you hate me?
Amy: I don't hate you. I love you.
Sheldon: Well, you call it love, but it has a lot of raisins in it.