Howard: What were they thinking putting Doctor Octopus's mind in Spider-Man's body?
Raj: Well, I've been quite enjoying that. It combines all the superhero fun of Spider-Man with all the body-switching shenanigans of Freaky Friday. Both versions: original and Lohan.
Howard (imitating Raj): "Both versions: original and Lohan."

So if the fact that your husband left you makes you feel unattractive, just remember, penguins get cheated on and they're adorable.

Howard: There's a party for incoming post-docs tonight. Go to it and meet someone who isn't made of grease or pie.
Raj: You think you're so cool because your wife is a person?

Sheldon: Even the dung beetle chooses to plot its course by using the Milky Way.
Raj: Is that true?
Sheldon: Everything I say is true. Now, of course, the dung beetle also enjoys eating fece, living in feces and making little balls out of feces. So, pick and choose which aspects of its lifestyle you want to embrace.

Raj: I haven't had a drink since last night.
Penny: You're talking to me.
Raj: I am. And, now I'm crying for a whole different reason.

What is wrong with me? Why can't I ever have love? I'm unlovable.

If you wear something brown and sit on the couch, they won't even know you're there.

Raj: Okay, I have a request to make.
Amy: And now he can talk. I want to cut open your brain and see what the heck is going on in there.

I like you a lot and that's scary for me. Mostly because you're a proven flight risk.

You're right. I should finish the game. I take my plus-one longsword stab myself in the face with it. I'm dead. I've got a date with a girl. Bye!

We have a new rule if no one talks for three minutes you can just hang up. I'm so into her.

Howard: Classy dog.
Raj: Yes. Also, don't forget to close the toilet or she'll drink out of it.
Howard: I feel for ya I have a psychotic mommy, too.

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Hey, Sheldon, did you change your Wi-Fi password again?
Sheldon: Yes, it's "Penny, get your own Wi-Fi." No spaces.

Sheldon: Why do you have the Chinese character for "soup" tattooed on your right buttock?
Penny: It's not "soup," it's "courage."
Sheldon: No it isn't. But I suppose it does take courage to demonstrate that kind of commitment to soup.
Penny: How'd you see it? You said you wouldn't look.
Sheldon: Sorry. As I told you, the hero always peeks.