The Big Bang Theory

Thursdays 8:00 PM on CBS
The big bang theory
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You're right. I should finish the game. I take my plus-one longsword stab myself in the face with it. I'm dead. I've got a date with a girl. Bye!

We have a new rule if no one talks for three minutes you can just hang up. I'm so into her.

Howard: Classy dog.
Raj: Yes. Also, don't forget to close the toilet or she'll drink out of it.
Howard: I feel for ya I have a psychotic mommy, too.

Howard: Why don't you put her in a kennel?
Raj: Why don't you put your mother in a home?
Howard: To be honest, she'd do better in the kennel.

Well, that all stinks. No wonder you all got cancelled. Bye.

Sheldon

I do have a pretty balls-to-the-wall moisturizing regime.

No wrapper's gonna tell me what to do, unless it's Jay-Z.

Raj's girlfriend: Who's your favorite player?
Raj: Not Brian Boitano, that's for sure.

I've got to go be more butch. Tootles.

Howard: So take what's in that blog and use it to get her pants off.
Raj: Why do you have to make everything so filthy? Why couldn't you just say the blog is like her giving me the key to her heart?
Howard: The key to her heart. That's nice. Were you quoting someone or is it tattooed on the small of your back?
Raj: I was quoting a man who knows a thing or two about women: Sir Elton John.

Howard: People change names on blogs to protect their privacy. Roger is Raj.
Raj: Oh, I always thought, if I had a white name, it would be Gavin.

Mummy was right. American girls are sexually voracious devils.

Displaying quotes 85 - 96 of 305 in total

TBBT Quotes

Penny, there's only one cookie with something in the middle that solves life's problems, and that's an Oreo. Or a Nutter Butter, if you're in a pinch.

Sheldon

Penny: Here's a question-- as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?
Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals?
Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.
Sheldon: Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it.
Penny: You're kidding.
Sheldon: I may be an alien, but I have urges.If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on.