If mommy's purse didn't belong in the microwave, why did it fit?

Lisa: I hope you're happy. You all just wasted your time working your way into an after school class.
Bart, Milhouse, Nelson, and Ralph: Aahhh!

I wanna go back inside mommy.

Grandma had hair like that when she went to sleep in her forever box.

Homer: (To Milhouse) Cops. Act natural.
Homer (Imitating a woman) Oh hello officer!
Chief Wiggum: (While driving by) Oh hello, Ma'am! (To self) What is it about a women and a dumpster.

Chief Wiggum: As you can see, I've gotten everything I ever wanted.
Lou: Except pants that fit.

Bart: (Crashes through window) Party's over, Serpent.
Wiggum: No kidding, you're standing in the dip.

Lou: No sign of the Serpent.
Wiggum: It's always work with you.

(Squishing an ice cream to his forehead) I'm a unitard!

(In "Married to the Blob," Dr. Phil confronts Homer during one of his eating rampages.)
Dr. Phil: You've got a weight problem, and you know it!
Homer: You're right. Starting tomorrow, no bread before dinner.
Dr. Phil: Homer, don't sell me an outhouse and tell me it's a Taj Mahal!
Chief Wiggum: Yeah, Homer, stop doing that!

Female Golem: There's a latke bar downstairs.
Chief Wiggum: Latke? What the hell's a latke?
Female Golem: They're pan-fried--
Chief Wiggum: Case dismissed!!

Can I borrow that ostrich?

Chief Wiggum

The Simpsons Quotes

Lisa's Brain: Poor predictable Bart. Always takes 'rock'.
Bart's Brain: Good ol' 'rock'. Nuthin' beats that!
Bart: Rock!
Lisa: Paper.
Bart: D'oh!

Homer: You're welcome to watch anything you want on TV.
Bart: TV Sucks.
Homer: I know you're upset right now so I'll pretend you didn't say that!