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South-park

Sharon, you've been watching CNN for about 8 weeks now. Don't you want to watch something else?

Sharon: Stanley, do you know why we grounded you for a month?
Stan: No.
Randy: Beating off the dog is never appropriate when we have company over. (glances at Sharon) I mean EVER! Beating off the dog is never appropriate ever!

Cartman: Yeah, we're gonna use him to help raise money in our bake sale.
Stan: Cartman, don't say "use him," you big silly goose.
Randy: (to Stan) What did you say?!
Stan: I just called Cartman a name. He's a, he's a silly goose.
Randy: YOU DO NOT SAY "BIG SILLY GOOSE!" You call him an asshole like a normal kid!
Stan: But Dad, I was just trying to --
Randy: STANLEY, YOU CALL YOUR FRIEND AN ASSHOLE THIS INSTANT!
Stan: (to Cartman) Asshole.
Randy: That's better!
Cartman: (quietly) Don't call me an asshole, you son of a bitch.

Just because somebody's gay, doesn't mean they molest children. Straight people do that too.

Stan: I made a promise to Jesus.
Randy: Stan, Jesus doesn't matter when Muhammad is involved.

Detective: Dammit, Marsh. Why couldn't you have just kept your stupid, ugly kid in line?
Randy: Hey, don't start blaming me for his looks.

Randy: Hey Stan, my computer says we're not friends anymore.
Stan: My Facebook profile went rogue, dad. Had to go into the circuitry and do battle with it. I sent all my friends somewhere else.
Randy: Okay, so we're not friends then?
Stan: Fuck off dad.

I want you to look at me when we make love, and not just my balls.

Look, I'm telling you guys, it's awesome. I can have all the pot I want. I get around faster than walking and wherever I need a seat, I can just sit on my balls.

Stan: Mom says to stop trying to give yourself cancer.
Randy: Just gonna get a little bit of cancer, Stan, tell mom it's okay.

Stan: Dad, I like being in a boy band, I think it's interesting.
Randy: Well there's plenty of interesting things you can do. Have you ever tried marijuana?

Randy: You know in a way I think I was even jealous of you being in a boy band. Isn't that stupid?
Stan: Not really. Not any more stupid than some of the other stuff you've done.

Displaying quotes 25 - 36 of 67 in total

South Park Quotes

James Cameron doesn't do what James Cameron does for James Cameron. James Cameron does what James Cameron does because James Cameron is James Cameron!

James Cameron

Mr. Garrison Sr.: Would you have sex with your son to save his life?
Man at bar 1: Oh, this is one of them scruples questions ain't it?
Man at bar 2: No, no I got a better one: Would you have sex with your motherto save your father's life?
Man at bar 1: You mean like if someone had a gun to your father's head and said if you don't have sex with her, I'll kill him?
Bartender: If a killer put a knife to my throat and said "have sex with your mother or I'm gonna kill your father while having sex with you, I would have sex with myself.

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