The Simpsons

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The simpsons
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(to Helen) You put on the Michael Bolton CD, I'll put on my edible vestments!

Marge: Reverend Lovejoy, our marriage needs this bed!
Helen Lovejoy: Our marriage needs it more!
Rev. Lovejoy: Well, I am reminded of the story of wise King Solomon.
Homer: Pfft. You would be.

Reverend Lovejoy: I have a friend, I mean, a friend of a friend...
Homer: (Very loudly) Sex problem, eh?

Helen Lovejoy: (to Homer) You are so blind, even Jesus couldn't heal you.
Reverend Lovejoy: Helen please, don't drop the J-bomb.

Ned Flanders: Reverend, would you like to try some of my devil's food cake?
Reverend Lovejoy: Is that really devil's food?
Ned Flanders: No, it's angel's food with chocolate on top.
Reverend Lovejoy: Mmm-hmmm, I thought so.

Helen Lovejoy: Oh, Tim, calm down, he's just your old roomate from Texas Christian.
Reverend Lovejoy: He's like the Pope of this thing!! It would be like Mary Kay, visiting you, when you sold her cosmetics. That is if you had, stuck with it.
Helen Lovejoy: You asked me to quit, because I was making more then you.

Marge everything is a sin. Have you ever sat down and read this thing? (holds up the bible) -Technically we're not allowed to go to the bathroom.

Helen Lovejoy: Heh, this won't take long. He's clearly guilty. We'll probably be home by dinner time.
Jasper: Good. I hear the dog from Frasier is going to ride the dolphin on SeaQuest.

Helen Lovejoy: That animal of yours is certainly bad-tempered.
Lisa: Yeah, well you'd be grumpy, too if you were taken out of your natural habitat and gawked at by a bunch of slack-jawed yokels.
Cletus: (Pointing at Lisa) Hey, Ma! Look at that pointed-haired-ed little girl! (Chuckles)

Ned: What do you think, Reverend?
Reverend Lovejoy: Once something has been approved by the government, it's no longer immoral.
Crowd: Yeah!
Mr. Burns: By building a casino, I could tighten my stranglehold on this dismal town!
Crowd: Yeah!
(Barney burps)
Crowd: Yeah!

Reverend Lovejoy: God has never given up on anyone
Ned: What about Sodom and Gomorrah?
Reverend Lovejoy: He lovingly destroyed them.

Reverend Lovejoy: Everyone is saying "Gabbo this" and "Gabbo that". But no one is saying "Worship this" and "Jericho that".
Jasper: What's this about Gabbo?

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 25 in total

The Simpsons Quotes

Wow, now I see why they call you Miss Hoover. You must have been vacuuming for an hour.

Bart

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!