Mondays 8:00 PM on CBS
How-i-met-your-mother

Robin: How fancy are we talking about here?
Ted: Oh, you gonna wanna bring your A-game.
Robin: Oh, I'll bring it. I'll bring it so hard, the bride's gonna look like a big white bag of crap.

Ted [seeing Robin in her dress]: Still wow.
Robin: Wow yourself. Look who else brought it.
Ted: Oh, yeah. I thought about leaving it at home, but I figured, I don't want to get there and realize I need it and have to go all the way back to get it, so yeah, I brought it

Ted: Our friends Claudia and Stuart are having this crazy, black-tie wedding on Saturday. You wanna be my "plus one?"
Robin: Ooh, "plus one," you make it sound so romantic

Ted: Wait, you're really going out with a billionaire?
Robin: He's not a billionaire. He's a hundred millionaire. Why do people always round up?
Ted: So, where's Thurston Howell taking you?
Robin: A charity dinner.
Lily: Yeah, $2000 a plate.
Robin: $1500. Stop rounding up. And it's for third world hunger

Lily: These look kinda like blood.
Marshall: OK, I know that you've all dismissed this theory before, but is there any chance that Carl is a vampire?
Barney: That's ridiculous.
Marshall: I'm serious. Think about it. He always wears black, we never see him in the daylight, only after dark.
Robin: Oh my God, that does describe a vampire, or you know, a bartender

Barney: Helping people less fortunate than me is the greatest pleasure in the world.
Robin: Yesterday you said the greatest pleasure in the world was having your toes sucked. Then you asked for a high five . . . from your foot

Robin: I am Canadian. Remember? We celebrate Thanksgiving in October.
Ted: Oh right I forgot. You guys are weird and you pronounce the word out, oot
Robin: You guys are the world's leader in hand gun violence; your health care system is bankrupt and your country is deeply divided on almost every important issue.
Ted: ... Your cops are called "mounties"

Ted: They're edging me out. They're totally edging me out. I didn't believe it but you're right.
Barney: Told you. That Lily, she's a shrewd one.
Robin: Yeah, she got you a nice new coffeemaker. How dare she!

Daughter: Wait, her apartment? I thought Aunt Lily lived with you and Uncle Marshall.
[flashback to Lily and Robin walking to Lily's apartment]
Lily: I could see how you would think that but I have to have my own place. It's an independence thing.
Robin: When was the last time you were there?
Lily: Three months ago. What? It's like fat pants. You hope you never have to use them but you're glad to know they're there

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