Mondays 8:00 PM on CBS
How-i-met-your-mother

We need to get these bitches drunk!

The stink eye walk by? oh hell no! I hope this drink isn't teething because it's about the get nursed.

Barney: You want to make God laugh, tell him your plans right?
Robin: What is wrong with you?

The point is you can't trust graduation goggles. They are just as misleading as beer goggles, bridesmaid goggles and that's just a bulky outdated cell phone in his front pocket goggles.

I still think about him in the shower.

Ted: OK Scherbatsky, you wanna tussle?
Robin: I'll tussle!
Ted: You wanna tussle?
Robin: Let's Tussle!
Ted: Marine Biologist.
Robin: Please no.

I am never gonna have closure. Closure doesn't exist.

OK, if you were new in town and just ingested an eighth of a sandwich where would you go?

Babies are scary, OK? They have giant eyes, and come on, the soft spot? If there's gonna be a self-destruct button, at least hide it somewhere it won't accidently get pressed!

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