Favorite Ron Swanson Quotes
Chris: What did you do for her?
Ron: Fixed her pothole.
Chris: Is that a euphemism?
Ron: Anne was getting a little chummy. When people get a little too chummy with me I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don't really care about them.
April: That's a really nice move.
Ron: Thank you.
April: You're welcome Lester.
The less I know about other people's affairs, the happier I am. I'm not interested in caring about people. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.
When I eat it is the food that is scared.
I have cried twice in my life. Once when I was seven and I was hit by a school bus. And then again when I heard that Li'l Sebastian had passed.
I'm a simple man. I like pretty, dark-haired women and breakfast food. But this stock photo I bought at a framing store isn't real. Today I got the real thing. A naked Tammy made me breakfast this morning. I should have taken a picture of it.
Ron: I suffer from a disorder called Sleep Fighting.
Leslie: Wow, must be terrible.
Ron: Only when I'm losing.
Tom put all my records into this rectangle!
Dear frozen yogurt, you are the celery of desserts. Be ice cream or be nothing.
Clear alcohols are for rich women on diets.
Of all my coworkers he is one of a small number of whom I do not actively root against...uh, there I go again gettin' all sappy.
I think the entire government should be privatized. Chuck E. Cheese could run the parks. Everything operated by tokens. Drop in a token, go on the swing set. Drop in another token, take a walk. Drop in a token, look at a duck.