When I'm done eating a Mulligan's meal, for weeks afterwards, there are flecks of meat in my mustache. And I refuse to clean it because every now and then a piece of meat will fall into my mouth.

Ron: Indianapolis is home to Charles Mulligan's Steakhouse, the best damn steakhouse in the damn state. I have taken a picture of every steak I've ever eaten there. June 2004: Porterhouse, medium rare, Bearnaise sauce. January 2000: They call this one, The Enforcer. February '96: The steak ribeye. The Whiskey: Lagavulin 16. The lady next to me? A bitch. Specifically, my ex-wife Tammy. OK, this is the first I ever went there. Look at me. Just a kid.

Leslie, you need to understand that we are headed to the most special place on earth. When I'm done eating a Mulligan's meal, for weeks afterwards there flecks of meat in my mustache and I refuse to clean it because every now and then a piece of meat will fall into my mouth.

What happened to the steaks that were in there when they closed? (tearily) Do you think they got eaten?

Ron: You may have thought you heard me say I wanted a lot of bacon and eggs, but what I said was: Give me all the bacon and eggs you have.

Encapsulate the spirit of melancholy. Easy. Boom, a sad desk. Boom, sad wall. It's art. Anything is anything.

No, I don't care about their relationship. I just don't want to lose April. I would never be able to find a worst assistant.

Why are you working the permit's desk, and why was that child clubbing your nuggets?

I'm going to type every word I know! Rectangle. America. Megaphone. Monday. Butthole.

Took her home. Polished her up. Bought a brand new ribbon off of electronic bay dot com.

Tammy: You're a joke. You're not even a man anymore. Oh, and by the way, last night I faked four out of the seven.
Ron: So did I.

Ron: Tammy and I are in love, and we're going to start a family together. In fact. She's ovulating. So if you'll excuse us, we're heading off on our honeymoon.
Jerry: Wow, where you going?

Parks & Rec Quotes

I may not have won, but at least I didn't make any new friendships.

April [about the beauty pageant]

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!

April