It's too bad. I just taught her how to whittel. She made me this tiny sharpened stick.

I am off to have a mid-morning pre-lunch with my lady friend, but I will be back in time for lunch.

Tammy: A relationship? With whom?
Ron: A lovely, intelligent, self-possessed pediatric surgeon named Wendy.
Tammy: Sounds like a real whore.

My ex-wife Tammy likes to check in every so often and make sure I'm doing OK. And if I am, she tries to [expletive] everything up.

Jack Cooper: It appears you have an overdue book.
Ron: Oh, do I?
Jack Cooper: It's Not the Size of the Boat: Embracing Life with a Micropenis.
Ron: Tammy.

Leslie: I think we should put Twilight in the time capsule.
Ron: Leslie, no. We don't negotiate with weirdos.

Ron: I am submitting this menu from a Pawnee institution, J.J.'s Diner. Home of the world's best breakfast dish: The Four Horsemeals of the Eggporkalypse.

I like Andy. I'm surrounded by a lot of women in this department. And that includes the men.

You are an unstoppable good idea machine!

Andy: Let me go to Big Head Joe's for you. They have the most insane burritos.
Ron: I don't much go for ethnic food.
Andy: No no no. Trust me. They have one that's called the meat tornado. Literally killed a guy last year.
Ron: You had me at meat tornado.

Andy: Do I have to tuck my shirt in? Because, honestly, that's kind of a dealbreaker.
Ron: Let it fly.

I need to find someone to fill in for April. Now I know I'm not going to find someone who's both aggressively mean and apathetic. April really is the whole package.

Parks & Rec Quotes

Andy: There's an old saying in show business: The show must go wrong. Everything always goes wrong, and you just have to deal with it.

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!

April