I accidentally told them what you're doing in an attempt to save some government jobs. It's been a very strange day for me.

Ben: Every department's losing a Leslie Knope.
Ron: No, Ben. They are not. No other department has one to begin with. Right now, she's single-handedly putting up some lousy concert for this city's kids.

Ron: Sell the zoo animals.
Ben: OK, to whom?
Ron: Cosmetics labs, weird restaurants. I'm just spitballin' here.

Right off the bat, we sell city hall. Let somebody turn it into a large gas station or a TJ Maxx.

I'm an official member of a task force dedicated to slashing the city budget. Just saying that gave me a semi.

Ben: We need to cut expenditures by 32 percent.
Ron: Let's make it an even 40.

Andy: How long is it going to last?
Ron: If we're lucky this building will be empty for months.

Leslie: Why would anybody ever eat anything besides breakfast food?
Ron: People are idiots, Leslie.

Leslie: I really made love to the pooch on this one.
Ron: Screwed the pooch?
Leslie: I don't like that term. It's too vulgar.

Leslie: Well, don't be such a baby. I cooked you some bacon for a trail snack.
Ron: I ate it already.
Leslie: What?
Ron: I could smell it in your purse before I even parked my car. And now it's gone and I hate everything.

Leslie, my first wife Tammy tried throwing me a surprise birthday party . When I saw my friends hiding through the window, I drove to a gas station, called the cops and told them people had broken into my home. I'm not big on surprises.

Ann: Hey, Ron. Did we make out last night?
Ron: Good god, woman. No.