Ron Swanson Quotes
The less I know about other people's affairs, the happier I am. I'm not interested in caring about people. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.
OK, well I'm not very good at visiting people in hospitals, so I'm going to go
Here. I didn't know what to bring you, so I just got some magazines and lipstick. Woman stuff.
Ron: Haircuts, there are three acceptable haircuts: High and tight, crew cut, buzz cut. Are the scissors broken in your house, son?
Ron: I have been developing the Swanson Pyramid of Greatness for years. It's a perfectly calibrated recipe for maximum personal achievement. Categories include: Capitalism, God's way of determining who is smart, and who is poor. Crying, acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon. Rage. Poise. Property rights. Fish, for sport only, not for meat. Fish meat is practically a vegetable.
Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys to men. From men into gladiators. And from gladiators into Swansons.
Leslie: Parks services are still here, and we have a job to do.
Tom: Make the world's biggest pizza.
Leslie: No, make this town fun for the people who live here.
Tom: Fine. But after that, the pizza is our top priority.
Leslie: No it's not.
Ron: We're getting pizza?
Well, I am not usually one for speeches. So, goodbye.
Tom: Is that bacon on your turkey leg?
Ron: They call it a Swanson.
Tom: Ron Corleone. This really attractive woman is my girlfriend, Lucy.
Ron: Hello, Lucy.
Ron: Whoa. Impressive handshake.
Lucy: Thanks. My father told me that a limp handshake was for weak men and communists. He hated both.
Ron: Well done, Tommy.
I accidentally told them what you're doing in an attempt to save some government jobs. It's been a very strange day for me.
Ben: Every department's losing a Leslie Knope.
Ron: No, Ben. They are not. No other department has one to begin with. Right now, she's single-handedly putting up some lousy concert for this city's kids.