Parks and Recreation

Thursdays 8:30 PM on NBC
Parks and recreation
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Ben: I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to have a weapon at work.
Ron: Literally, everything is a weapon. That folder in my hands is far deadlier than this bow in yours.

Ron Swanson: Ron.
Ron Don: Ron.
Ron Swanson: Last name?
Ron Done: Done.
Ron Swanson: Is that your name or are you telling me you're finished talking?
Ron Done: Both.
Ron Swanson: Done and Done.

Ron: We only subscribe to two magazines: Reader's Digest and Ebony. Ebony was a clerical error but it was an interesting year of reading.

Sales person: Oh, we don't accept American currency, sir.
Ron: This is the most wonderful piece of paper in the world. Of course you'll accept it. Accept it.

Look—a clock. We don't have that in America. You call that a tower? Try the Sears Tower, friend.

History began July 4th, 1776. Anything before that was a mistake.

Great job, everyone. The reception will be held in each of our individual houses, alone.

I warned you. Standard birth control methods are usually ineffective against a Swanson.

I believe in cutting useless government projects. I also believe in cutting useful government projects.

Tom: Ron, ask me if I'm sad.
Ron: No.

Ron: There are only three ways to motivate people: money, fear, and hunger.

Normally, if given the choice between doing something and doing nothing, I'll do nothing. But I will do something if it helps someone else do nothing. I'd work all night if it meant that nothing got done.

Displaying quotes 25 - 36 of 255 in total

Parks & Rec Quotes

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!

April

Dear frozen yogurt, you are the celery of desserts. Be ice cream or be nothing.

Ron