Girls, this is Ann. Talk to Ann. She's terrific.

Son, there's no wrong way to consume alcohol.

It might be cold outside but it's about to get warm all up in my jazz.

This might be the first time I've ever wanted to attend an event.

Leslie: Merry congratuchristmas!
Ron: What?

Ron: I started working on something very important. Can you help me?
Chris: Yes sir.
Ron: It's a flight of stairs leading to nowhere.

Breakfast food can serve many purposes.

Diane: Hey, am I interrupting something important?
Ron: Impossible. I work for the government.

I'm giving you a non-electronic book made of paper from a tree. It is called Auto Repair Manual-1982. You will read this book from cover to cover then you will assist me in repairing the damage to my car. I will not report you to the judge but if you slip up again you will have much more to fear than some feeble government employee in a robe.

Chris: What did you do for her?
Ron: Fixed her pothole.
Chris: Is that a euphemism?

Andy: Can we please make you into a princess?
Ron: No.
Andy: I think it would make Diane happy.
Ron: Why does that matter? Shut up.

Little girl 1: I'm a princess.
Little girl 2: I'm a mermaid.
Ron: I'm the director of Parks and Recreation.

Parks & Rec Quotes

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!


Leslie: Why would anybody ever eat anything besides breakfast food?
Ron: People are idiots, Leslie.