Rose: Gordon is my soul mate. He completes me. We're inseparable. [To Gordon]: Wait here, I want to talk to Charlie alone
Jake: Who's that?
Rose: Gordon, my boyfriend.
Jake: How come he's not allowed in?
Rose: I'm trying to avoid an awkward situation.
Charlie: Too late.
Jake: You bringing him to my birthday party?
Rose: I don't know. Charlie, is the wound too fresh?
Charlie: I think I can handle it
Rose: Isn't your mental and emotional well-being more important than a couple of fleeting orgasms?
Charlie: It's not even more important than one
Charlie: Of all the women I know, you're the only one I truly trust, Rose.
Rose: Personally, I find that very flattering, but professionally, I find it very disturbing
Alan: Have you been spying on me?
Rose: No, silly! I spy on Charlie; you just get in the way sometimes
Rose: Yeah, I have five of the toothy, little guys.
Alan: No-- no kidding. Five ferrets? Those are like, uh, long, furry rats, right?
Rose: Yup, and they're all named Charlie
Rose [about Sherri]: Oh, Charlie, you don't need a girl like that. You could do so much better.
Charlie: You're right, I can. She doesn't call when she says she will, she won't let me sleep over, she's obviously seeing other guys, so why can't I get her out of my head?
Rose: That's not where I was going, but let's review. She's gorgeous, but she's also self-centered, she's promiscuous, she's commitment-phobic...
Charlie: Oh, my God!
Charlie: I'm dating myself. No wonder the sex is so good
Yeah, I do mate for life. I'm like a penguin that way, plus I like to slide across the ice on my belly
You're the first man who slept with me because he was drunk, not because of my money!
Charlie: Rose, this really isn't the best time. Alan is pretty sick.
Rose: Oh, no. Poor Alan, is Charlie taking good care of you?
Alan: Not really.
Rose: Would you like me to take care of you?
Alan: Not really
Rose: Do you feel the healing energy?
Alan: If I say yes, will you get off me?
Alan: Rose, what are you doing here?
Alan: Where's my mother?
Jake: She left.
Jake: I don't know. We were watching SpongeBob SquarePants, and she stood up and said life was too short