Ross Geller Quotes
Ross: (To Monica) Cheater, cheater, compulsive eater!
(Everyone gasps)
Phoebe: Oh, my God!
Ross: Pheebs, come on, you didn't kill anybody, these people just happened to die when you went to the dentist. It's, it's, it's just ah, a coincidence.
Phoebe: Well tell that to them. Oh! You can't, they're dead.
Joey: If the homo sapiens were in fact homo sapiens...is that why they're extinct?
Ross: Joey, homo sapiens are people!
Joey: Hey, I'm not judging!
Ross: About that bump on his head...
Rachel: Are you sure it's a new bump? I mean, no offense, but I've always thought of Ben as a fairly bumpy-headed child.
Monica: Joey just saw Janice kissing her ex-husband.
Ross: What? (To Joey) So what are you going to do? I mean how, how are you going to tell Chandler?
Joey: Well, I was thinking about that and I, I think the best way would be, to not.
Rachel: Joey, you can't keep this to yourself, if you know about this, you have to tell him.
Joey: It'll kill him. I mean it'll, it'll just kill him.
Phoebe: Well, you could wait 'til I go to the dentist, maybe I'll kill him.
Phoebe: (About Ugly Naked Guy) He's alive! He's a-live!
Monica: And yet, we're still poking him.
Joey: Okay, retract the device, retract the device.
Ross: He does not look happy.
Rachel: Hey, now he's showing us his poking device.
Joey: Hey, that's never gonna make it all the way over here, buddy!
Ross: Okay, I have a problem I have to go into work for a few hours. Some kids messed up the Homo Sapien display.
Joey: What did they do?
Ross: Well, they painted over the word "Sapien" for one thing, then they rearranged the figures. Let's just leave it at that.
Ross: I think your Dad must have added wrong. He only tipped like four percent.
Rachel: Yeah. That's Daddy.
Ross: That's Daddy?! But doesn't it bother you? You're a waitress.
Rachel: Yes, it bothers me Ross, but ya know if he was a regular at the coffee house, I'd be serving him sneezers.
Ross: So?
Rachel: So. Ross, I've bugged him about this a million times, he's not gonna change.
Ross: You really serve people sneezers?
Rachel: We are having dinner with my dad tomorrow night, I hope that's okay.
Ross: Oh shoot, tomorrow's not so good. I'm supposed to, um, fall off the Empire State building and land on a bicycle with no seat. Sorry.
Rachel: Ross, my father doesn't hate you.
Ross: Please, he refers to me as "wet-head."
Rachel: But honey he calls everybody by a nickname! Okay, look, I know, all right, just one dinner, please, just one night for me, please. I just want him to love you like I do. (Ross looks at her) All right, well not exactly like I do, but, but, if you do come to dinner, I'll love you like I do in that black thing that you like.
Chandler: I'll go.
Ross: So, Dr. Green, how's the old boat.
Dr. Green: They found rust. You know what rust does to a boat?
Ross: It gives it a nice antique-y look.
Dr. Green: Rust is boat cancer, Ross.
Ross: Wow, I'm sorry. When I was a kid I lost a bike to that.
Ross: So I told Carl nobody, no matter how famous their parents are, nobody's allowed to climb on the dinosaur. Of course, this went right in...
Rachel: (Thinking) I love how he cares so much about stuff. If I squint I can pretend he's Alan Alda.
Monica: (Thinking) Oh good, another dinosaur story. When are those going to become extinct?
Chandler: (Thinking) If I was a superhero that could fly and be invisible, that would be the best.
Gunther: (Thinking about Ross) What does Rachel see in this guy? I love Rachel, I wish she was my wife.
Joey: (Singing "The Baby Elephant Walk" in his head) Da dadada da da da da da duh. Da dadada da da da da da duh.
Phoebe: (Thinking) Who's singing?
Dr. Green: Nice hair. What'd ya do? Swim here?
Ross: (To Rachel) Okay, that's it, I can't take it anymore.
Rachel: What? What? He's interested in you. He, he likes your hair, he just wants to know how you got here.
