Ross Geller Quotes
Ross: I think your Dad must have added wrong. He only tipped like four percent.
Rachel: Yeah. That's Daddy.
Ross: That's Daddy?! But doesn't it bother you? You're a waitress.
Rachel: Yes, it bothers me Ross, but ya know if he was a regular at the coffee house, I'd be serving him sneezers.
Ross: So?
Rachel: So. Ross, I've bugged him about this a million times, he's not gonna change.
Ross: You really serve people sneezers?
Ross: I think my marriage is over.
Phoebe: Why?
Ross: Because Carol's a lesbian ... and I'm not ... and apparently it's not a mix-and-match situation ...
Ross: (His foot gets caught in the pool table's pocket while making out with Phoebe) I can't get it out.
Phoebe: That's not something a girl wants to hear.
Ross: Sorry... Ow!
Phoebe: What?
Ross: Stupid balls are in the way...
(About Carol) Maybe this wouldn't have happened if I'd been more nurturing, or I'd paid more attention, or I had a uterus.
Ross: (About Isabella Rossellini) Damn! I can't believe I took her off my list.
Monica: Why? 'Cause otherwise you'd go for it?
Ross: Yeah, maybe.
Rachel: Oh oh, you lie.
Ross: What? You don't think I'd go up to her?
Rachel: Ross, it took you ten years to finally admit you liked me.
Ross: Yeah, well missy, you better be glad that list is laminated.
Rachel: You know what, honey? You go ahead. We'll call her an alternate.
Ross: Okay, hold my crawler.
Rachel: Okay. (He walks up to the counter.)
Monica: Rach, are you really gonna let him do this?
Rachel: Honey, he's about to go hit on Isabella Rossellini. I'm just sorry we don't got popcorn.
Ross: (About his list) Isabella Rossellini.
Chandler: Ooh hoo. Very hot, very sexy. But, ah, ya know she's too international. Ya know she's never gonna be around.
Rachel: So?
Chandler: So, you gotta play the odds, pick somebody who's gonna be in the country like all the time.
Rachel: Yeah, 'cause that's why you won't get Isabella Rossellini... geography.
Chandler: Okay. On three. One. Two.
Joey: Why don't we just go on two.
Chandler: Why two?
Joey: Because it's faster.
Chandler: You know, I could've counted to three like four times without all this two talk.
Joey: All right but in the future ...
Ross: Okay, okay, heavy thing not getting any lighter
Chandler: Okay. One. Two.
Joey: So we are going on two?
(Singing) I am Bea. I drink tea. Won't you dance around with me?
Little Ross
Ross: (Imitating Joey's infomercial) Are you intrigued?
Chandler: You're flingin'-flangin' right I am!
Monica: Hey, look at me! I'm making jam... been at it since 4 O'clock this morning.
Ross: Where'd you get fruit at four in the morning?
Monica: Went down to the docks. Hey, betcha didn't know you can get it wholesale.
Rachel: I didn't know there were docks.
Ross: Let's say, Janice is coming back from a trip and she gives you two options. Option number 1, she'll take a cab home from the airport. Option 2 is you can meet her at baggage claim. Which do you do?
Chandler: That's easy, baggage claim.
Ross: (Buzzes) Wrong! Now you're single. It's actually secret option number three, you meet her at the gate. That way she knows you love her.
Chandler: Janice likes to cuddle at night, which you know I am all for. But, you know when you want to go to sleep, you want some space. So, how do I tell her that without, you know, accidentally calling her fat or something?
Rachel: Oh honey, I'm sorry we can't help you there 'cause were're cuddily sleepers! Okay, I'm late for work. All right, are you guys gonna come down?
Ross: Uh, yeah, yeah, I'm right behind you. (Rachel leaves) Okay the sleeping thing: very tricky business, but there is something you can do.
Chandler: but I thought you guys were cuddily sleepers.
Ross: No! No, not cuddily, not me, I'm like you I need the room.
