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[on phone] Last night was crazy. Jojo? Yeah. He did a donut in a parking lot in front of a cop. And then he yells, "Hey cop, you like donuts?" then we drive off. No, he just stayed there.

Michael: Listen up. It has come to my attention that some people in this office are not getting along with other people in this office. And I think I have come up with the reason why. This office space is too small.
Pam: Definitely.
Michael: Okay. There are ... 4 corners in this room. Each corner is to be a personal space for each one of you. Whichever corner you want. And make it your own.
Pam: We could work from home.
Ryan: Or you could fire one of us. Whoever has less education.

Pam: Seriously? This is what's so important, putting naked pictures on the desktop?
Ryan: That's me and my friend Jonathan from Thailand.
Pam: I don't want to look at your friend Jasmine's boobs all day.
Ryan: You could be hot too if you made any effort. At all.
Pam: Like how? Dyeing my hair blond?
Ryan: This is from the sun.
Pam: Oh yeah I bet.
Michael: [on the phone] They're getting on my nerves Mom. Both of them. R thinks he's too good to be here, and P is not as much fun without Jim.
Pam: Michael, we can hear you.
Michael: I'm on the phone, please. Mom, I'm gonna have to call you back. P's being a giant B.

Michael: Listen. Listen listen listen listen listen listen. I need someone to make a copy of this. Because I don't make copies, I'm the boss. Got it? I make originals.
Ryan: Yeah I make originals too.
Pam: Shut up!
Michael: Stop it stop it! Bickering! Stop it!
Pam: Really!
Ryan: Yeah!

Michael: Hey Ryan? Could you get to that copy from before?
Ryan: Pam's better at that stuff.
Pam: That is so insulting.
Ryan: How is it insulting to say that you're good at something?
Pam: Because the thing your saying I'm good at, is pushing a big green button a bunch of times.
Ryan: I'm not judging it, it's like ... I could run GM but I couldn't fix a car. It's not saying one is better than the other.
Pam: Seriously? Because it sounds like one of those is better than the other.

Ryan: You should come into town this weekend man. Yeah, we'll hang out Scranton style.
Michael: Hey you said you were gonna be out of town this weekend.
Ryan: Please don't listen to my phone calls. Yeah, she's like um, she'd probably be a Six in New York, but she's like a Seven here in Scranton. And then uh, my boss is my old boss from Dunder Mifflin. It's a small space.

Ryan: Hey, Pam? I just wanted to let you know; I'm totally on your side with the whole microwave situation.
Pam: Thank you.
Ryan: I was just back there, to make some cup-o-soup; the thing is still a huge mess.
Pam: I know, can you believe it?
Ryan: Yeah, it's crazy. But, I guess the thing is at some point, notes or no notes, someone's gonna have to just get there and clean it up.
Pam: I guess that's why we have a temp, huh?
Ryan: Ah ha ha, oh no, trust me. I would just make it worse.
Pam: How would wiping it with a paper towel make it worse?
Ryan: I would find a way.

Dwight: Hit him! Hit him, Chicken.
Ryan: Yeah, punch him.
Michael: Hey hey! Come on, Ryan, who's side are you on?
Dwight: Ryan. Come on, man?
Michael: No do it, do it. I dare you.
Dwight: Punch him as hard as you possibly can in the face.
Michael: Not, not as hard as you can, just a good, solid punch. Come on! Come oooon...
Toby: I'm not going to punch you, Michael.
Dwight: Are you really not going to punch him?
Toby: No, why would I punch you?
Michael: Son of a bitch.
Ryan: You should have hit him man, guy was asking for it. Once in a lifetime, man.

Kelly: We're back together again baby.
Ryan: We're back.
Kelly: They tried to keep us apart, but they couldn't. It was like destiny.
Ryan: I- I realized that for whatever reason I... just couldn't do better than Kelly.

Ryan: Okay. You have to break up with Darryl. I already typed out a text message for you. All you have to do is press "send".
Kelly: I don't know. I mean, it's well-written and all, I just-
Ryan: Has to be done. We'll press send together. [phone beeps]
Kelly: Oh my God. He's going to kill us.
Ryan: I'd like to see him try. [kisses Kelly]
Kelly: [phone beeps] Oh! He says it's cool. He said, "It's cool."
Ryan: That's all he wrote?
Kelly: That's all he wrote.

Ryan: Just checking out where I'm going to be pretty soon. When Pam gets back. Gonna be close quarters. Gonna be a lot of tension.
Kelly: For you. I'm with Darryl.
Ryan: This looks like where I'll probably do my pushups every day.
Kelly: Is that supposed to impress me?

Jim: Hey, how's things?
Ryan: All right.
Jim: Yeah?
Ryan: Living in the moment.
Jim: Do you have any reason to believe that Kelly would be mad at me?
Ryan: I don't play the politics game anymore, Jim. Can I tell you something? I played it full on in New York. I played it high stakes. For keeps. Made it to the top. But look what it cost.

Displaying quotes 73 - 84 of 160 in total

The Office Quotes

I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.

Andy

Sometimes I'll start a sentence, and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way. Like an improv conversation. An improversation.

Michael