Ryan: Dunder Mifflin Infinity represents a floor to ceiling streamlining of our business model. The center piece of the campaign is a new business-to-business website interface that will allow us to compete directly with big box chains.• Show: The Office • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Michael: Woooo! I think Ryan has a gay crush on me.
Ryan: Enough! OK? This is inappropriate and it stops right now. Do you understand?
Michael: Yes, everybody, come on. Settle town. Let's get serious here. Um Ryan, has a very special, important presentation to do, which we will be doing in the conference room in ... 10 minutes?
Ryan: Perfect.
Michael: Sounds good. OK, alright.
• Show: The Office • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Michael: Fire guy. Don't start any fires, Ryan.
Andy: Fire guy!
Kevin: You weren't here for that.
Andy: Here for what?
Kevin: When he started the fire.
Michael: Look how big he is. Look at you, you are so mature and old and little man now. You're like our little man...
Kevin: Little old man boy.
Ryan: Michael and everybody, umm...
Michael: Beard.
Kevin: Bearded man boy.
Ryan: ...let me just say something. I know I used to be a temp here, but now everything is different. I'd like your respect. I am your boss now. You're gonna have to treat me that same way you treated Jan.
Michael: Oh, wow!
Ryan: So...
Michael: That's a little kinky. I don't swing that way.
• Show: The Office • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Ryan: People keep calling me a "Wunderkind" ... I don't even know what that means. I mean, I know what it means, it means very successful for your age, so I guess it makes sense, but... it's a weird word.
• Show: The Office • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Michael: So I need a little treat for the gang. Something to win their affections back.
Ryan: Back? Why is that Michael?
Michael: Well, I ran down Meredith in my car.
Ryan: Oh! Did you do this on purpose?
Michael: No, I was being negligent. But she's in the hospital, she's fine, recovering nicely. Tiny little crack in her pelvis. But she will be up in...
Ryan: Did this happen on company property?
Michael: Yes. It was on company property, with company property, so... double jeopardy, we are fine.
Ryan: I don't think you understand how jeopardy works.
Michael: Oh, right, I'm sorry. What is: we are fine?
Ryan: [sigh]
• Show: The Office • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Michael: My lord my liege.
Ryan: Yes, Michael?
• Show: The Office • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Ryan: Last year, Creed asked me how to set up a blog. Wanting to protect the world from being exposed to Creed's brain, I opened up a Word document on his computer and put an address at the top. I've read some of it. Even for the Internet, it's... pretty shocking.
• Show: The Office • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Michael: Jim, big fire in your house. Your client, Dunmore High-school, sent out their prom invitations on this paper. Went home to all the kids.
Jim: Yeah, I gotta call out on that.
Michael: No, no, no, no. Not good enough. This is a keystone account. I want you in the school. In person.
Jim: All right.
Michael: I want you to bring a partner.
Ryan: I'll go.
Michael: No, sweet cheeks. We need someone who's actually made a sale. Andy, you go.
Andy: William Dolittle at your service. A.K.A., Will Do.
Jim: Yeah, I'm definitely gonna go alone.
• Show: The Office • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Kelly: So then the next movie moves to the top of the queue. So number five becomes number four, number six becomes number five, number three becomes number two, etc, etc. And let's just say that I just sent back Love Actually, which was awesome. And they sent me Uptown Girls, which is also awesome. But guess what, now I want to see love actually again, but it's at the bottom of the que! Oh no, what do I do!? What I do, is this. I go online, I go click, click, click. And I change the order of the que, so that I can see Love Actually as soon as I want to. It's so easy, Ryan. Do you really not know how Netflix works?
Ryan: I guess I forgot.
Kelly: You're such a ditz.
Kevin: Ryan, well done. Two minutes, forty-two seconds. Additionally, Pam, you win ten because she said "awesome" 12 times, and Jim, you win five because she mentioned six romantic comedies.
• Show: The Office • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Michael: Toby now has the floor... and he is going to try not to screw this up, like everything else in his life. Let me rephrase that. I believe that you can do safety training and make it sound just as good as Darryl. Here we go!
Toby: Ok, um, one thing that you're gonna want to look out for is carpal tunnel syndrome. It's recommended that you take a ten minute break from typing every hour. For your circulation, you're gonna want to get up out of your chairs and uh, and move around about ten minutes every hour.
Michael: Yes, good. Fine. Like stretching and...
Toby: Um, yeah. You're computer screen can be a big strain on your eyes, so uh, it's also recommended that you step away for about... about ten minutes every hour.
Michael: Wow, that is... that time really adds up. That's like... a half an hour, every hour?
Darryl: Take them at the same time.
Michael: Ok, you know what? You're making it sound kind of lame. So, skip ahead to the really dangerous stuff. Like sometimes computers can explode, can they not?
Toby: No, no. Um, you always want to keep a sweater or cardigan of some sort, in case it gets drafty.
Ryan: What about a long sleeve T?
Toby: Well, that'll work.
Kevin: Long johns? A shaw?
Toby: You know, anything that warms you.
Michael: Ok, you know what? I think that everybody is going to vomit due to boredom.
• Show: The Office • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Total Quotes: 118
