Rachel Berry is the most horrible human being on the planet.

She will chew you up and spit you out like a Jewish Hillary Clinton.

God as my witness, I will break her down.

You are short, you are awful, and that is never going to change.

Now everywhere I go I’m known as the girl with the raging yeast infection.

I need this job. I’m saving up to buy a noose to hang myself.

So, uh, you got any tricks in that bag, Santa?

Kurt: Are we all set in there?
Santana: If by all set do you mean did I light the candy cane scented candles on the toilet, then yes, we're all set.

[to Starchild] Would you mind just stepping outside for a moment while I bitch slap some sense into my friend.

Santana: He was a much better person than I am.
Kurt: That is true. But Finn really cared about you. And I don't think he would've done all those things if he didn't think you were decent, too.

Okay, I know that Finn had his doubts about God, but I am convinced that Squishyteets is up in Heaven right now, plopped down next to his new best friend Fat Elvis, helping themselves to a picnic of baby back ribs smothered in butterscotch pudding and tater tot grease. So, this is for you, Hudson.

Sue: I don't care for your attitude.
Santana: Well I don't give a hot wet monkey's ass what you care for.

Glee Quotes

[to Kurt] You know, these Mounds bars are delicious, but you have to eat them. If you just hold them in your hand hoping that you might get to eat them one day, they're going to melt and you'll look like somebody just pooped in your hand. Don't let waiting for things to maybe work out with Blaine turn you into the guy who looks like somebody just pooped in their hand.

Brittany

Blaine: Where's the bed?
Brittany: I removed it because when I imagined you two having sex I imagined a U-haul mounting a moped.