I can't believe I have to have feelings to have good sex. I thought I'd be dead before that happened.
Schmidt: Would I have to put my legs in the stirrups?
Melissa: Why would you even ask that?
Schmidt: I'm asking more so out of curiosity than fear. Hashtag, excitement.
You are a gynecologist and a lesbian. This makes you a vagenius.
I feel like our bodies really made something. Like we brought manufacturing jobs back to America.
Schmidt: Look at that plating. It is impeccable.
Big Schmidt: Nice squeeze bottle work there, Bobby Flay.
Schmidt: He is still relevant!
Big Schmidt: Where? Phoenix?
You're getting your scent all over my pillow. It took me months to get rid of that heavenly curry smell.Schmidt [to Cece]
Jess: Now, if you'll excuse me gentleman, I'm going to go get a job â€” like it's my...
Jess: SHUT UP!
We sold our qualms. We used the profits to buy perfect bodies.
There's a fine line between sexual harassment and something awesome.
What am I looking at here? Robbie, man to man, you didn't want to wear something a little more form-flattering, maybe like a pile of towels? Or the number 8?Schmidt [about Rob's green spandex]
I may not be Abraham Lincoln. But I witnessed the emancipation of one black guy tonight.
Cece: I know you have more costumes in your closet.
Schmidt: Those costumes are for Purim.