I feel like our bodies really made something. Like we brought manufacturing jobs back to America.
Schmidt: Look at that plating. It is impeccable.
Big Schmidt: Nice squeeze bottle work there, Bobby Flay.
Schmidt: He is still relevant!
Big Schmidt: Where? Phoenix?
You're getting your scent all over my pillow. It took me months to get rid of that heavenly curry smell.Schmidt [to Cece]
Jess: Now, if you'll excuse me gentleman, I'm going to go get a job â€” like it's my...
Jess: SHUT UP!
We sold our qualms. We used the profits to buy perfect bodies.
There's a fine line between sexual harassment and something awesome.
What am I looking at here? Robbie, man to man, you didn't want to wear something a little more form-flattering, maybe like a pile of towels? Or the number 8?Schmidt [about Rob's green spandex]
I may not be Abraham Lincoln. But I witnessed the emancipation of one black guy tonight.
Cece: I know you have more costumes in your closet.
Schmidt: Those costumes are for Purim.
Without sex, she's not your girlfriend. She's a friend you buy meals for.
College Nick: You like rap music? Who's your favorite rapper.
College Schmidt: Brian Austin Green.
Winston: Schmidt is tired of doing things for you that go unnoticed â€” lining your shoes up at the door.
Nick: Don't line my shoes up at the door.
Winston: Recording your favorite shows. The turn-down service.
Nick: The turn-down service is weird, and I never asked you to do that.
Schmidt: Well I guess those chocolate mints just disappeared on their own.