Jess: Where are your nipples, man?
Schmidt: I'll never tell!

Cece: I'm still marrying an Indian guy.
Schmidt: Sure, but you went home with a Jew in a turban. I'm just saying.

Get your crap together, India. Schmidt... out!

Schmidt: Hey, M. Night Shyamalan. I've got a twist ending for you: shut up

  • Permalink:
  • Added:

Cece: You look like a character from The Love Guru.
Schmidt: Aw, thank you.

Schmidt: I don't really know what that accent is.
CeCe: English.
Schmidt: I speak English. That isn't English.

Nick: Band of Brothers!
Schmidt: Your friendship means nothing to me. Every man for himself!

Schmidt: I'm gonna have sex tonight. Are you two in?
Winston: Is that the way you wanted to say that?

Dammit! Been trying to get something going with myself for a full hour. It's like a taffy pole on a hot summer's day.

They make shoes for your penis! They're called pants!

Winston said you make fun of my gremlin toenails. That you call them clickety-clacks or centaur boots.

Schmidt: A pogo is what your friends talk about when you leave the room.
Cece: Oh like your barnacle toenails?

New Girl Quotes

You know what they call Seattle in Portland? North Portland. Or Vancouver's shoe.

Jess

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick