I'm a hero Nick, just tell me I'm a good man. I really need to hear it.

So yeah, I was dating them both at the same time. I'm a mess, I can't sleep, I urinate constantly. I cried the other day listening to a techno song. My tweets have been extremely literal.

Enjoy the break-up. If you need me, I'll be in my room, listening to some mainstream hip-hop.

Cease lovemaking! All lovemaking must cease!

Human dental dam!

She's older--MUCH older--DEEPLY Korean.

Tough time in Schmidtsburgh.

Let's talk about it, in my perfect two-thirds replica of Don Draper's office.

Schmidt: No sig oths.
Cece: Just say "significant others."
Schmidt: Maybe you have that kind of time, but I'm on a tight sched.

I wouldn't even begin to know how to steal a swag.

Look at this puzzle. It's "ages 6 and up." You are "up," Winston. You are very "up."

Where have you been? I am having a major life crisis, and you guys are, what, just driving around, French kissing each other like a couple of Dutch hookers?

New Girl Quotes

Schmidt: Who let the dirty slut out of the slut house?
Jess [in a British accent]: Probably the slut butler, right!

I feel like I wanna murder someone and also I want soft pretzels.

Jess