Winston: Nick could be your lawyer.
Schmidt: This Nick? Vivica A. Dropout?
Quit sorting through my trash, Coach! You're messing it all up!
What makes Abby's jewelry so interesting is that it is dangerous and can cut you
Jess, can I borrow your glasses? We're going to roleplay as you guys.
Crazy girls are kind of my 'Hurt Locker.'
I just need to get to Rachel before he tells her horrible-slash-true things about me.
Schmidt: It's a bar mitzvah!
Nick: I am NOT watching a kid get circumcised.
Nick: I just want to make a good impression on Jess's sister.
Schmidt: Yeah, well, I want Julia Child not to be dead, but here we find ourselves.
Fellas, you made it! As promised, here's a coupon for a free sub.
Prince is terrible at Frisbee.
A lot of people never graduated high school! Einstein! Bill Gates! Anne Frank! I'm gonna take back that last one.
Nick: Do you know any time-consuming, free activities in Griffith Park?
Schmidt: Gross! Suicide?