Shane: How the hell are we going to sell has to a kids concert?
Silas: Actually, this will be okay.

Shane: What happened to your arm?
Doug: I dropped my keys in a porto potty. There was a raccoon in there. I punched it out.

Nancy: What's that smell?
Shane: Stevie.
Nancy: Ugh. Go change him.
Shane: I always change him.
Nancy: No, I sometimes do, don't I?
Shane: Do you even know what size diapers he wears?

(to Nancy) Can I drive it at least once before you set it on fire? Please! I've been kidnapped.

Silas: Shane, get over yourself. No one cares.
Shane: You're just jealous.
Silas: Of what?
Shane: That mom likes me more now.

Shane: Una navaja.
Nancy: Oh Shane, no more Spanish.

Ignacio: You're hands are shaking. You're not going to shoot me.
Shane: He's right, you're not going to shoot him. But you don't have to.
Ignacio: You're going to put a bullet in me mijo?
Shane: What do you think?

Shane: Are you eating your napkin?
Doug: No (he is).

Mom, the f**kers got me.

Shane: Cat like reflexes.
Silas: Perfect considering you're a total pussy.
Shane: Tell that to Pilar.

(to the SAHMs) Don't fuck with me bitches.

Try not to get arrested today, okay?

Weeds Quotes

I'm the suburban baroness of bud, Nancy.

Nancy Botwin

You've made your bed, now f**k in it.

Nancy Botwin