Shane: We'll let the lab decide.
Silas: Lab?
Shane: DNA my brother or should I say half brother.

(to Silas) He's so your f*cking dad.

Silas: So what do you think is in the locked room at the end of the hall?
Shane: Probably a shrine to our mom.

(to Mr. Schiff) You keep a picture of our mom in your wallet?

Shane: It definitely happened.
Silas: Gross.
Andy: Hey never confirmed.
Doug: They had sex.

I'm a hero! I'm a hero! I can't taste my beer anymore.

Shane: How the hell are we going to sell has to a kids concert?
Silas: Actually, this will be okay.

Shane: What happened to your arm?
Doug: I dropped my keys in a porto potty. There was a raccoon in there. I punched it out.

Nancy: What's that smell?
Shane: Stevie.
Nancy: Ugh. Go change him.
Shane: I always change him.
Nancy: No, I sometimes do, don't I?
Shane: Do you even know what size diapers he wears?

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