Gentlemen, please. Leonard is trying to walk a mile in my metaphorical shoes. He can't walk in my actual shoes. He has the feet of a toddler.

How those nipples feeling, chief?

How about this? I promise I won't pester you about the DVD. You can defecate in peace. That's a win for both of us. Until this matter is resolved, I would like you to wear this sweater ... with nothing underneath it.

Leonard: I'm gonna show you what's in the box, but just ... promise not to flip out.
Sheldon: Why would I flip out? Is it a spider? It's a spider.
Penny: No, if it was a spider, Lenny would've flipped out.

I've been informed that he's now Bill Nye the Restraining Order Guy.

Sorry, I replaced you with a newer model.

Sheldon: No, go ahead, say it. I know what it is. I've heard it my whole life. The word's "annoying." Go ahead, say it. Say it. Say I'm annoying.
Amy: Sheldon...
Sheldon: Oh, it won't hurt my feelings. Go ahead, Amy, say I'm annoying. I'm annoying. I'm annoying. I'm annoying.

And, not just on the cheek. On the mouth ... like mommies and daddies do.

Leonard: Buddy, I don't think you can. I mean, once it's out there, it's out there. This thing is like the science equivalent of a sex tape.
Sheldon: You know, frankly, I'd prefer a sex tape.
Leonard: You don't know what a sex tape is, do you?
Sheldon: No.

Amy: So you just got lucky?
Sheldon: Sheldon Cooper doesn't get lucky.
Amy: You and me both.

I feel like my mind just made a baby. And, it's beautiful. It's not like human babies which are loud and covered in goop.

Amy: Sheldon, you're not a weirdo.
Sheldon: I wasn't speaking about me.

TBBT Quotes

Penny, there's only one cookie with something in the middle that solves life's problems, and that's an Oreo. Or a Nutter Butter, if you're in a pinch.

Sheldon

Penny: Here's a question-- as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?
Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals?
Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.
Sheldon: Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it.
Penny: You're kidding.
Sheldon: I may be an alien, but I have urges.If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on.