The Big Bang Theory
Thursdays 8:00 PM on CBSSheldon Cooper Quotes
Penny ... all my life I have been uncomfortable with the sort of physical contact that comes easily to others -- handshaking, hugging, prostate exams. But I'm working on it, you know? Just recently, I had to put VapoRub on Amy's chest. A year ago, that would have been unthinkable.
Kripke: My work would suffer too if I was getting laid all the time.
Sheldon: Yes. That is the reason. My work is suffering because of all the laid I am getting.
Kripke: You lucky bastard.
Sheldon: What can I say, you know? She enjoys my genitals. I am giving them to her on a nightly basis.
Sheldon: I read his research and ... it's leaps and bounds ahead of mine. Which means the mommy of the smartest physicist at the university is not my mommy as I thought. It's his mommy.
Amy: Sheldon, I wish there was something I could do to make you feel better. May I offer you a consoling hug?
Sheldon: What do we have to lose?
Amy: How's that?
Sheldon: I feel like I'm being strangled by a boa constrictor. Why did you stop?
I'm not interested in being published in Mad Magazine.
Welcome to the Thunderdome, Kripke.
Leonard: Come on, let's just start walking. There's got to be a gas station or something nearby.
Sheldon: What, you think just because you are wearing a captain's uniform, you're in charge?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Alright.
Thanks to you, I know better than to ask if you are menstruating. And, based on your behavior, I don't have to.
Sheldon: I meant ALL women are slaves to their biological urges. Even you. You're a slave.
Mrs. Davis: I'm a what?
Sheldon: I'm just saying at a certain point in a woman's menstrual cycle...
Mrs. Davis: Don't. Stop. You can't say that.
Alex: I have to go.
Sheldon: So does this fellow, but he can't without it burning like hot soup.
Alex: What did I do?
Sheldon: You don't know? Oh, you poor dear. Your ovaries are squirting so much goofy juice into your brains you don't even know which way is up.
Giant Jenga! I win.
Leonard: I grew up in a house full of crazy academics. Instead of leaving Santa milk and cookies, we had to leave him a research paper. And, in the morning you could tell he'd been there because that paper would be graded.
Sheldon: No wonder you love Christmas. That sounds amazing.
