The Big Bang Theory
Thursdays 8:00 PM on CBSSheldon Cooper Quotes
Sheldon: You don't think I'm condescending, do you?
Penny: Well....
Sheldon: Oh, I'm sorry. Condescending means....
Penny: I know what it means. And yes, you like to correcting people and putting them down.
Sheldon: Au Contraire. When I correct people I am raising them up. You should know, I do it for you more than anyone.
Penny: I know, he's the wheelchair dude who invented time.
Sheldon: That's close enough.
What are you all staring at? You ever seen a man try to get a meeting with Stephen Hawking before?"
You make sissy on your belt buckles? Mee-Maw's forks never had that.
Sheldon: That's a lot of belt buckles.
Howard: Funny thing is, I only have one belt.
Howard: Sheldon, you are a condesending jerk. Why on earth would I want to do something nice for you?
Sheldon: Um ... to go to Jewish heaven?
Howard: Jews don't have heaven.
Sheldon: Then to avoid Jewish hell?
Howard: Have you met my mother? I live in Jewish hell.
Howard, you go ahead and eat. This isn't going to make any sense to you.
Penny: What is the truth?
Sheldon: My Mr. Spock doll came to me in a dream and forced me to open it. And when the toy broke I switched it for yours. Later, he encouraged me to do the right thing and I defied him. And then I was attacked by a Gorn.
Leonard: Okay, that I believe.
Spock: What is the purpose of a toy?
Sheldon: To be played with.
Spock: Therefore to not play with it would be...?
Sheldon: Illogical. Damn it, Spock, you're right.
Well, you should. 50% of marriages end in divorce, but 100% of make-your-own-sundae bars end in happiness
Yeah, I hate wedding receptions. Yeah, I wish the bride and groom would take a cue from Bilbo Baggins. Slip on the ring, disappear and everyone goes home.
Sheldon: Is the whip sound app contextually appropriate here?
Leonard: Uh, it is, but I think you might have waited too long for it to be funny.
[whip cracks]
Leonard: [Everyone laughs] I was wrong; it was still funny.
