The Big Bang Theory

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The big bang theory
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If we lived in the world where slow moving xenon produced light youd be correct. Also, pigs would fly, my derriere would produce cotton candy, and the Phantom Menace would be a timeless classic.

Leonard: ...and when she died, they ate her.
Sheldon: You don't have to sell me on cats, I'm already a fan!

Amy: I'm curious as to why we're not eating alone.
Sheldon: They can't function without me. I'm the social glue that holds this little group together.

Penny: I hear you broke up with Amy.
Sheldon: Breakup would imply she was my girlfriend. She was a girl who was my friend who is now not my friend.
Penny: Wow, It's like the worst country song ever.

Wolowitz: Women, huh? Can't live with 'em; can't successfully refute their hypotheses.
Sheldon: Amen to that.

Despite their tendency to build Death Stars, I've always been more of an Empire man.

Leonard: Amy is judgmental, sanctimonious, and frankly just obnoxious
Sheldon: So?
Leonard: So we already have you for all that.

Sheldon: One has to navigate a labyrinth of social nonsense before one could be fed here
Amy: Really? I assumed an establishment named Cheesecake Factory would function more efficiently.
Sheldon: It's how they lure you in. I believe it's called, "bait and switch."

Lenny: I though you hate dogs.
Sheldon: A dog-opus can play fetch with eight balls. No one can hate that.

Penny: Honey, have you ever run before?
Sheldon: Certainly. I've run from bullies, dogs, angry chickens and one particularly persistent PE teacher determined to bend me over and give me a scoliosis test.

Sheldon: I don't understand why you're not enjoying this. Together, in this car, with my enhanced capabilities, we're like 'Knight Rider.'
Leonard: Except, in Knight Rider, the car isn't a yammering sphincter.
Sheldon: You mock the sphincter, but, the sphincter is a class of muscle without which human beings couldn't survive. There are over 50 different sphincters in the human body. How many can you name?
Leonard: I was wrong. This is exactly like Knight Rider

Sheldon: You're 15th favorite technological visionary.
Steve Wozniak: Only fifteenth?
Sheldon: It's still six spots above Steve Jobs. I care neither for turtlenecks nor showmanship.

Displaying quotes 493 - 504 of 760 in total

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Here's a question-- as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?
Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals?
Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.
Sheldon: Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it.
Penny: You're kidding.
Sheldon: I may be an alien, but I have urges.If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on.

Sheldon: Ugh! English pudding. Y-You get yourself all excited for pudding, and here comes a cake with raisins in it. I'm not going.
Amy: You're going.
Sheldon: Why do you hate me?
Amy: I don't hate you. I love you.
Sheldon: Well, you call it love, but it has a lot of raisins in it.