Lenny: I though you hate dogs.
Sheldon: A dog-opus can play fetch with eight balls. No one can hate that.

Penny: Honey, have you ever run before?
Sheldon: Certainly. I've run from bullies, dogs, angry chickens and one particularly persistent PE teacher determined to bend me over and give me a scoliosis test.

Sheldon: I don't understand why you're not enjoying this. Together, in this car, with my enhanced capabilities, we're like 'Knight Rider.'
Leonard: Except, in Knight Rider, the car isn't a yammering sphincter.
Sheldon: You mock the sphincter, but, the sphincter is a class of muscle without which human beings couldn't survive. There are over 50 different sphincters in the human body. How many can you name?
Leonard: I was wrong. This is exactly like Knight Rider

Sheldon: You're 15th favorite technological visionary.
Steve Wozniak: Only fifteenth?
Sheldon: It's still six spots above Steve Jobs. I care neither for turtlenecks nor showmanship.

Penny: Can I ask you a question?
Sheldon: Given your community college education, I encourage you to ask as many as possible.

Penny: OK. Well, then, there's a couple of things you should probably know.
Sheldon: I have a master's degree and two doctorates. The things I should know, I do know.

Sheldon: Amy pointed out that, between the two of us, our genetic material has the potential of producing the first in a line of intellectually superior, benign overlords to guide humanity to a brighter tomorrow.
Wolowitz: I'm guessing that future historians will condemn us for not taking this opportunity to kill Sheldon.

Apparently, a semi-incestuous Teens for Jesus hoedown didn't count.

You have broad hips and a certain corn-fed vigor. Is your womb available for rental?

At best, it's a modest leap forward from the technology that gave us Country Bear Jamboree.

That's not afternoon. That's prevening.

Sheldon: Hello, Amy Farrah Fowler. I'm sorry to inform you that you've been taken in by unsupportable mathematics designed to prey upon the gullible and the lonely. Additionally, I am being blackmailed with a hidden dirty sock.
Amy: If that was slang, I'm unfamiliar with it. If it was literal, I share your aversion to soiled hosiery.

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Hey, Sheldon, did you change your Wi-Fi password again?
Sheldon: Yes, it's "Penny, get your own Wi-Fi." No spaces.

It's very simple. Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and, as it always has, rock crushes scissors

Sheldon