How can I possibly discuss with Stan Lee the scientific foundations for inter-stellar flight on a silver surfboard when part of my brain will be scanning his face for signs of contagious skin disease?

I don't trust banks. I believe that when the robots rise up, ATM's will lead the charge.

Wolowitz: Why do you have all of these unopened paychecks in your desk?
Sheldon: Because most of the things I'm planning to buy haven't been invented yet.

Did he finally write a sequel to his autobiography? I'm sure ages 79 to 87 were just action packed.

Sheldon: I believe you know why I'm here.
Penny: I always figured it was to study us, discover our weaknesses, and report back to your alien overlords.

Given that St. Valentine was a 3rd century Roman priest who was stoned and beheaded, wouldn't a more appropriate celebration of the evening be taking one's steady gal to witness a brutal murder?

Sheldon: Do you recognize this?
Leonard: Not the roommate agreement!
Sheldon: Indeed, the roommate agreement. I call your attention to the friendship rider in Appendix C: Future Commitments, Number 37. In the event one friend is ever invited to visit the Large Haldron Collider, now under construction in Switzerland, he shall invite the other friend to accompany him.
Leonard: For god's sake!
Penny: You actually put that in an agreement?
Leonard: We also put in what happens if one of us gets a MacArthur grant, or if one of us gets super powers, or if one of us turns into a zombie.
Sheldon: He can't kill me, even if I turned.
Penny: Ts there anything in there if one of you gets a girlfriend?
Sheldon: No, that seemed a little far fetched.

One bacon cheeseburger, breaking two Jewish dietary restrictions simultaneously.

Sheldon: Your cell phone was off.
Leonard: Because we didn't want to be disturbed!
Sheldon: Well that didn't work out, now did it?

Sheldon: I asked myself what is the most mind-numbing, pedestrian job conceivable and three answers came to mind: a toll booth employees, an Apple store genius, and what penny does. Because I don't like touch other peoples' coins and I refuse to contribute to the devaluation of the word genius, here I am.

Bozeman does have a comedy club called the Loony Bin. Please don't forward my mail there.

Wonderful security system if we're attacked by a school of tuna.

TBBT Quotes

Two tea bags in one cup? You're not at a rave.

Sheldon

Raj: Okay, here's another one: if a zombie bites a vampire, and the vampire bites a human, does the human become a vampire or a zombie? Or, a zompire?