Can't you surprise him in some other way? For example, I bet he'd be delightfully taken aback if you cleaned your apartment.

While I appreciate the "oh, snap," I'm uncomfortable having your moist breath in my ear.

Sheldon: Why are you crying?
Penny: Because I'm stupid!
Sheldon: Well that's no reason to cry; one cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid and it makes me sad.

Sheldon: Where's your notebook?
Penny: I don't have one.
Sheldon: How are you gonna take notes without a notebook?
Penny: I have to take notes?
Sheldon: How else are you gonna study for the tests?
Penny: There's gonna be a test?
Sheldon: Tests. Here, it's college ruled, I hope that's not too intimidating.

Leonard: The more the merrier.
Sheldon: That's a false equivalency, more does not equal merry. If there were two thousand people in this apartment, would we be celebrating? No, we'd be suffocating.

I never admit defeat. However, on an unrelated topic, I'm never getting out of this bed again.

My mother is very excited. She's convening her Bible study group to listen in and then pray for my soul.

Sheldon: Why do you have the Chinese character for "soup" tattooed on your right buttock?
Penny: It's not "soup," it's "courage."
Sheldon: No it isn't. But I suppose it does take courage to demonstrate that kind of commitment to soup.
Penny: How'd you see it? You said you wouldn't look.
Sheldon: Sorry. As I told you, the hero always peeks.

You keep in mind that my sharply-worded comments on yelp.com recently took down a muffin store

Sheldon [filling out medical form]: When was your last menstrual period?
Penny: Oh! Next question!
Sheldon: I'll put in progress

I should have asked for much more than a comic book and a robot.

Leonard, when that woman moved in three years ago, I told you not to talk to her, and now look, we're going to be late to the movies.

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Hey, Sheldon, did you change your Wi-Fi password again?
Sheldon: Yes, it's "Penny, get your own Wi-Fi." No spaces.

Sheldon: Why do you have the Chinese character for "soup" tattooed on your right buttock?
Penny: It's not "soup," it's "courage."
Sheldon: No it isn't. But I suppose it does take courage to demonstrate that kind of commitment to soup.
Penny: How'd you see it? You said you wouldn't look.
Sheldon: Sorry. As I told you, the hero always peeks.