Leonard: The more the merrier.
Sheldon: That's a false equivalency, more does not equal merry. If there were two thousand people in this apartment, would we be celebrating? No, we'd be suffocating.

I never admit defeat. However, on an unrelated topic, I'm never getting out of this bed again.

My mother is very excited. She's convening her Bible study group to listen in and then pray for my soul.

Sheldon: Why do you have the Chinese character for "soup" tattooed on your right buttock?
Penny: It's not "soup," it's "courage."
Sheldon: No it isn't. But I suppose it does take courage to demonstrate that kind of commitment to soup.
Penny: How'd you see it? You said you wouldn't look.
Sheldon: Sorry. As I told you, the hero always peeks.

You keep in mind that my sharply-worded comments on yelp.com recently took down a muffin store

Sheldon [filling out medical form]: When was your last menstrual period?
Penny: Oh! Next question!
Sheldon: I'll put in progress

I should have asked for much more than a comic book and a robot.

Leonard, when that woman moved in three years ago, I told you not to talk to her, and now look, we're going to be late to the movies.

That seems like an awful lot of trouble to go through for intercourse. Don't you have access to women who will do it for money?

Sheldon: Is that what you're wearing to watch football over at Penny's?
Leonard: What's wrong with a football jersey?
Sheldon: Nothing. That, however, appears to be a football cocktail dress.

If you're interested, I also know all about frying meat that isn't chicken as if it were chicken

Sheldon: I came here to defeat Wil Wheaton: the man who destroyed my dreams, but I can't destroy Wil Wheaton: the man who loved his mee-maw

TBBT Quotes

Penny, there's only one cookie with something in the middle that solves life's problems, and that's an Oreo. Or a Nutter Butter, if you're in a pinch.

Sheldon

Penny: Here's a question-- as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?
Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals?
Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.
Sheldon: Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it.
Penny: You're kidding.
Sheldon: I may be an alien, but I have urges.If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on.