That seems like an awful lot of trouble to go through for intercourse. Don't you have access to women who will do it for money?

Sheldon: Is that what you're wearing to watch football over at Penny's?
Leonard: What's wrong with a football jersey?
Sheldon: Nothing. That, however, appears to be a football cocktail dress.

If you're interested, I also know all about frying meat that isn't chicken as if it were chicken

Sheldon: I came here to defeat Wil Wheaton: the man who destroyed my dreams, but I can't destroy Wil Wheaton: the man who loved his mee-maw

It might also interest you to know that Wil Wheaton currently ranks sixth on my all-time enemies list, right between director Joel Schumacher, who nearly destroyed the Batman movie franchise, and Billy Sparks, who lived down the street from me and put dog poop on the handles of my bicycle

Raj: No, no, no, no, that rate is much too low for what you'd expect from this collision. Do you understand we're taking about dark matter colliding in outer space?
Sheldon: Yes, of course I understand, and who are you to tell me about outer space?
Raj: Well, I am the astrophysicist! Astro means space!
Sheldon: Astro means star.
Raj: Okay, let me just tell you, if we were having this argument in my native language, I'd be kicking your butt!
Sheldon: English is your native language!

Sheldon: Yes, since their relationship became carnal, Penny has updated his designated term of endearment, distinguishing him from those she calls "sweetie," usually as an attempt to soften a thinly-veiled insult.
Penny: You're boring people, sweetie.
Sheldon: Although sometimes, she omits the veil entirely.

Leonard: I've always been a little confused abut this -- why don't Hindus eat beef?
Raj: We believe cows are gods.
Sheldon: Not technically. In Hinduism cattle are thought to be like gods.
Raj: Do not tell me about my own culture Sheldon! In the mood I'm in I'll take you out, I swear to cow!

Interesting. Sex works even better than chocolate to modify behavior. I wonder if anyone else has stumbled onto that

Sheldon: Leonard, you can't train my girlfriend like a lab rat
Leonard: Actually, it turns out I can
Sheldon: Well you shouldn't

Penny: I give up, he's impossible
Sheldon: I can't be impossible, I exist. I believe what you meant to say is, "I give up, he's improbable."

Penny: I'll tell you what, next french toast day, I'll make you oatmeal
Sheldon: Good lord, are you still gonna be here next french toast day?

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Hey, Sheldon, did you change your Wi-Fi password again?
Sheldon: Yes, it's "Penny, get your own Wi-Fi." No spaces.

Leonard: Hi. I'm Leonard. You are beautiful. You pop, sparkle and buzz electric. I'm going to pick you up at eight, show you a night you will never forget.
Raj: Where are we going?