The Big Bang Theory

Thursdays 8:00 PM on CBS
The big bang theory
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Stuart: Here Sheldon. I pulled the new Hellboy for you. It's mind-blowing.
Sheldon: Excuse me! Spoiler alert!
Stuart: What? I didn't spoil anything.
Sheldon: You told me it's mind-blowing, so my mind is going into it pre-blown. Once a mind is pre-blown, it cannot be re-blown.
Stuart: I'm sorry.
Sheldon: Said the Grinch to Christmas.

Leonard: What were you doing at Penny's?
Sheldon: Well, we had dinner, played some games, and then I spent the night. Oh, and you'll be happy to know that I now have a much better understanding of "friends with benefits"

You know, I'm given to understand that there's an entire city in Nevada devoted specifically to help people like Howard forget their problems. They replace them with new problems such as alcoholism, gambling addiction and sexually transmitted diseases

What exactly does that expression mean, "friends with benefits?" Does he provide her with health insurance?

You're probably thinking, "the comic book store, on a Thursday? Why I've fallen down the rabbit hole and into a land of madness." What you have failed to take into account, Penny, is that this is "Anything Can Happen Thursday"

Sheldon: More wrong? Wrong is an absolute state and not subject to degradation
Stuart: It's a little wrong to say to say a tomato is a vegetable, it's very wrong to say it's a suspension bridge

Leonard: I just don't get what she sees in Stuart, we're practically the same guy
Sheldon: ...Stuart is taller, artistic, self employed, and most importantly, gets 45% off comic books

Leonard: But we all agreed the third Thursday of every month will be "Anything Can Happen Thursday"
Sheldon: Apparently the news didn't reach my digestive system, which when startled has it's own version of "Anything Can Happen Thursday"

Listen to that! "Stomp, stomp, stomp." It's Wolowitz and his stacked heels that fool no one.

Sheldon [looking for musical instrument in new neighbor's boxes]: Do those sound like castanets to you?
Leonard: The box says "kitchen."
Sheldon: So? Do cocaine smugglers write "cocaine" on the box?

Sheldon: You'll effectively be paying yor self 5.19 per day
Penny: A day??
Sheldon: There are children in sneaker factories in Indonesia that outearn you

Sheldon: I'm a physicist. I have a working knowledge of the entire universe and everything it contains
Penny: Who's Radiohead?
Sheldon [after twitching for a minute]: I have a working knowledge of the important things

Displaying quotes 613 - 624 of 760 in total

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Here's a question-- as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?
Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals?
Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.
Sheldon: Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it.
Penny: You're kidding.
Sheldon: I may be an alien, but I have urges.If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on.

Penny, there's only one cookie with something in the middle that solves life's problems, and that's an Oreo. Or a Nutter Butter, if you're in a pinch.

Sheldon