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The-big-bang-theory

Sheldon: This is for you
Penny: Ice cream?
Sheldon: I've been familiarizing myself with female emotional crises by studying the comic strip, "Cathy." when she's upset she says, "ack" and eats ice cream.
Penny: Ack.
Sheldon: If you were a cat, I would have brought you lasagna.

Sheldon: Enjoy the accolades now, Wil Wheaton. But like your time on Star Trek: The Next Generation, your smug self-satisfaction will be short-lived.

A common spare. The Miss Congeniality of the Bowling Pageant.

Wolowitz: Why is Leonard being a giant douche? That is, assuming, of course that giant douches are possible.
Sheldon: Of course they are -- Leonard's being one.

Wolowitz: Okay forgot giant ants. How about giant rabbits?
Raj: Big or small, I don't like rabbits. They always look like they're about to say something, but they never do.
Sheldon: Rabbits do have a respiratory system that would support great size. And as a side note, they are one of the few animals whose scrotum is on the front of the penis.
Raj: Maybe that's what they want to talk about.

Didn't work. This alcohol is defective.

A neutron walks into a bar and asks, "How much for a drink?" The bartender says, "For you? No charge."

Why did the chicken cross the mobius strip? To get to the same side.

Sheldon: I recently had a dream that I was giant, but everything around me was to scale, so it all looked normal.
Leonard: How did you know you were a giant if everything was to scale?
Sheldon: I was wearing size "a million" pants.

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