The Big Bang Theory
Thursdays 8:00 PM on CBSSheldon Cooper Quotes
Leslie: Hello, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Leslie Winkle!
Leslie: Yeah, Leslie Winkle! The answer to the question, "Who made Sheldon Cooper cry like a little girl?"
Sheldon: Yes! Well, I'm polarized tree sap and you're inorganic adhesive, so whatever verbal projectile you launch in my direction it's reflected off of me, returns on its original trajectory and adheres to you
Penny: What actor holds the record for being named People magazine's Sexiest Man Alive?
Sheldon: William Shatner!
Leonard: I don't think it's Shatner.
Sheldon: Then it's got to be Patrick Stewart
Wolowitz: Don't you think I should answer the engineering question? I am an engineer.
Sheldon: By that logic I should answer all the anthropology questions because I'm a mammal
Sheldon: Count me out.
Leonard: What? ...why?
Sheldon: You want me to use my intelligence in a tawdry competition. Would you ask Picasso to play Pictionary? Would you ask Noah Webster to play Boggle? Would you ask Jacques Cousteau to play Go Fish?
Leonard: Sheldon, you have to let somebody else answer.
Sheldon: Why?
Penny: Because it's polite.
Sheldon: What do manners have to do with it? This is war. Were the Romans polite when they salted the ground of Carthage to make sure nothing would ever grow again?
Sheldon: I've designed the perfect uniforms for our team. The colors are based on Star Trek: The Original Series; the three of you will wear support red, and I will wear command gold.
Leonard: Why do they say, "AA"?
Sheldon: Army Ants.
Leonard: Isn't that confusing? AA might mean something else to certain people.
Sheldon: Why would a Physics Bowl team be called Anodized Aluminum?
Sheldon: Point of order. I move that any vote on team names must be unanimous. No man should be forced to emblazon his chest with a Bengal tiger when common sense dictates it should be an army ant.
Leonard: Will the gentleman of the great state of denial yield for a question?
Sheldon: I will yield.
Leonard: After we go through the exercise of an annoying series of votes, all of witch the gentleman will lose, does he then intend to threaten to quit if he does not get his way?
Sheldon: He does!
Leonard: I move we are the Army Ants
Leonard: Check it out. I got you a Batman cookie jar.
Sheldon: Ohhh, neat, what is the occasion?
Leonard: Well, you are a friend, and you like Batman and cookies, and you are off the team
Sheldon: Teams are traditionally named after fierce creatures, thus intimidating one's opponent.
Raj: Then we could be the Bengal Tigers.
Sheldon: Poor choice—gram for gram, no animal exceeds the relative fighting strength of the army ant.
Raj: Maybe so, but you can't incinerate a Bengal tiger with a magnifying glass
Wolowitz: Oh, more details about the new Star Trek film. There's going to be a scene depicting Spock's birth.
Raj: I'd be more interested in a scene depicting Spock's conception.
Sheldon: Oh, please. For Vulcans, mating—or if you will, pon farr—it's an extremely private matter.
Leonard: Still, I'd like to know the details. His mother was human; his father was Vulcan. They couldn't just conceive.
Wolowitz: Maybe they had to go to a clinic. Can you imagine Spock's dad in a little room with a copy of Pointy Ears and Shapely Rears?
Sheldon: I notice you're using titanium. Did you give any consideration to carbon nanotubes? They're lighter, cheaper, and have twice the tensile strength.
Wolowitz: Sheldon, there is a diploma in my office that says I have a masters in engineering.
Sheldon: And you also have a note from your mother that says, "I love you, bubulah," but neither of those is a cogent argument for titanium over nanotubes
Sheldon: 15 years old. Dennis Kim is 15 years old and he's already correcting my work. Today I went from being Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart to—you know—that other guy.
Wolowitz: Antonio Salieri.
Sheldon: Oh, God, now even you're smarter than me.
