The Big Bang Theory

Thursdays 8:00 PM on CBS
The big bang theory
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I love my mother. Even if she fornicates like a demonic weasel.

Apparently any man is welcome in his house, why not you?

Sheldon: Can you recommend a surface you haven't had coitus on?
Mrs. Cooper: That's not funny. Maybe we should sit at the table.

Mrs. Cooper: Shelly! I'm so glad you're here!
Sheldon: I saw you having naked sex.

I used to live in those genitals. And if someone wants to move into my old room, I should at least get a vote.

Sheldon: Do you have any idea what it's like to see your mother ravaging someone?
Howard: Does a brisket count?

I saw my mommy with a naked man and she was trying to be a mommy again.

Howard: Should we stop holding hands now?
Sheldon: In a minute.
Howard: Okay, good.

Oh, apple juice. Stay where you are.

Penny: I'm sorry, is the fact that my life's falling apart interfering with your board game?
Sheldon: It is.

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Sheldon: Ten years ago upon first seeing me, your husband claimed that I look like C-3P0 and Pee-Wee Herman. And he called me C-3P-Wee Herman.
Raj: Still funny.

Howard: Hey, I work at the same university you do.
Sheldon: Yes, and Hawkeye's in the Avengers but no one ever says, "Help, Hawkeye!"

Displaying quotes 97 - 108 of 760 in total

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Here's a question-- as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?
Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals?
Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.
Sheldon: Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it.
Penny: You're kidding.
Sheldon: I may be an alien, but I have urges.If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on.

Penny: I always tear up when the Grinch's heart grows three sizes.
Sheldon: Tears seem appropriate. Enlargement of the heart muscle, or hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, is a serious disease which can lead to congestive heart failure.