South Park

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South park
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(Stan asking Jesus for help with defeating Blaine)
Jesus: The miracle I'm most famous for is turning water into wine.
Stan: Can you do it again?
Jesus: Very well. I shall perform the miracle. Behold, here you can see ordinary water, clear, clean. Okay now turn around.
(Stan surprised)
Turn around.
(Stan turns around and Jesus replaces the jug of water on the table with a jug of wine)
It is now wine!
Stan: That's it? That's how you did that trick?
Jesus: Uh, well, yeah.
Stan: That trick sucks Jesus.
Jesus: Oh, I guess it worked a little better on people 2,000 years ago.

(Stan trying to convince Kyle to leave with him)
Kyle: I'm not going anywhere.
Stan: Goddamnit I'm not going with you, I wanna stay here.
Kyle: Huh? I thought you wanted to leave.
Stan: Oh wait who am I again?
Kyle: You're Stan.

[all the boys, except Cartman, look the same with the same clothes and no hair]
Stan: Kyle, I'm starting to think that this is a really bad idea.
Butters: I'm not Kyle, I'm Butters. I thought you were Kyle.
Stan: No, I'm Stan.
Kyle: You're Stan? Where's Kenny?
Stan: Who are you?
Kyle: I'm Kyle.
Cartman: Hehe, guess who I am, guys?

Jesus: Yea, take hold of my robe, Stanley, and do not open your eyes.
Stan: (closes his eyes) I am ready.
(scene changes to Jesus and Stan on an airplane, Stan is still holding on to Jesus and closing his eyes)
Jesus: Are you still keeping your eyes closed?
Stan: Yeah.
Jesus: Good. Want some peanuts?

Kyle: Thanks for saving us, Stan. You're my super best friend.
Stan: Your my super best friend too, Kyle.
Cartman: Oh, that's so sweet you guys! You want to go get a room so you can make out for a while?

[Stan looks for Kyle but finds Kenny's dead body]
Stan: Oh my God, they killed Kenny!
Kyle: [off-screen] You bastards!
Stan: Kyle? Oh my God, they killed Kenny!
Kyle: [off-screen] You bastards!
Stan: Oh my God, they killed Kenny! [follows Kyle's voice]

Cartman: Yeah, we're gonna use him to help raise money in our bake sale.
Stan: Cartman, don't say "use him," you big silly goose.
Randy: (to Stan) What did you say?!
Stan: I just called Cartman a name. He's a, he's a silly goose.
Randy: YOU DO NOT SAY "BIG SILLY GOOSE!" You call him an asshole like a normal kid!
Stan: But Dad, I was just trying to --
Randy: STANLEY, YOU CALL YOUR FRIEND AN ASSHOLE THIS INSTANT!
Stan: (to Cartman) Asshole.
Randy: That's better!
Cartman: (quietly) Don't call me an asshole, you son of a bitch.

Stan: Was your dad in Scouts, Cartman? Oh yeah, you don't have a dad. (everyone laughs but Cartman)
Cartman: That's not funny! Jesus Christ!

(the boys protest)
Stan: What do we want?
Boys: Gays in Scouts!
Stan: When do we want it?
Timmy: Timmy!

Hey look! Tom Cruise has Sea Man on his back!

Stan: I made a promise to Jesus.
Randy: Stan, Jesus doesn't matter when Muhammad is involved.

Hey guys look, Tom Cruise is a fudge packer.

Displaying quotes 85 - 96 of 361 in total

South Park Quotes

It's a man's obligation to stick his boneration in a woman's separation, this sort of penetration will increase the population of the younger generation.

</i> Cartman

James Cameron doesn't do what James Cameron does for James Cameron. James Cameron does what James Cameron does because James Cameron is James Cameron!

James Cameron