Julia: Oh, this is a nice office.
Stanley: You don't have to lie. Through here.
Andy: Um, Phyllis, who's that?
Phyllis: She's out of your league Andy.
Andy: For your information, I have been with lots of beautiful women.
Phyllis: Sexually?
Andy: This conversation is over.

Michael: We are not always going to be there, to coddle your heart back, when it disappears to be working. What are you going to do when your heart stops?
Stanley: I would die.
Michael: And you're okay with that?
Stanley: I'm okay with the logic of it.

Andy: A throne for thy highness!
Stanley: I'm not sitting in a wheelchair.
Michael: No no no. No debate. You are going to sit in that wheelchair until you're back on your feet.
Stanley: [to camera] I'm going to die.

It's true. Around this office in the past I have been a little abrupt with people. But the doctor said, if I can't find a new way to relate more positively to my surroundings, I'm going to die.

I am trying to be more optimistic in life. I've got what, 20 or 30 years left. And my family history says I have less. Now, the old Stanley Hudson would have found something wrong this actress. But that is no way to live life. Look at this healthy sexy pretty strong young woman. C'mon people! She is hot.

Andy: Each side will have three minutes to prepare opening arguments. Topic: Hillary Swank is attractive.
Entire office: Hot!
Kevin: The debate is whether she is hot.
Stanley: What difference does it make? Attractive, beautiful, hot, we're talking about the same thing here.
Kevin: Huge difference. A painting can be beautiful, but I don't want to bang a painting.
Andy: Okay, TMI.

Phyllis: You've got no taste Stanley Hudson.
Stanley: Oh, I do.
Andy: What are you guys talking about?
Stanley: Some actress, whether she's hot.
Andy: Who is the gal in question?
Phyllis: Hillary Swank.
Creed: Ah, Hillary Swank.

Stanley: Eh...
Phyllis: I'm sorry. It's the largest one I have.
Stanley: I will not be the big guy in the tiny hat.

Michael: Okay.
Kevin: Michael, I got you a hot chocolate. I hope that's okay.
Michael: Oh, thank you my dear.
Kelly: Wait, Michael! Let me open the door for you.
Michael: Oh, well, chivalry is not dead after all. Okay...
Stanley: There he is!
Michael: There he is! Hello, hello!
Phyllis: Hello.
Michael: Hello! Good to see you! Good to see you.
Jim: Oh!
Michael: Mm! [gives Jim a high five] Yeah!
Pam: There's that ass!
Michael: Hey hey! Yeah! Unh!
Pam: Woo! Yeah. Aw, don't take it away!
Michael: Oh... ah, I almost choked.

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