Stewie Griffin Quotes
Now listen. Since your mom's out of town and I've got you for the weekend, I was thinking it would be kinda fun if the Emperor and I turned you over to the dark side of the Force!
Join us, Luke. Turn to the backside of the Force.
Can we at least put together a press release that says I resigned of my own accord to pursue other evil projects?
Brian: Stewie, what the hell happened?
Stewie: Oh well, shortly after you left, da Vinci's girlfriend showed up. So I injected her with my DNA.
Brian: You had sex?
Stewie: No, I put my DNA inside of her.
Brian: Right, you had sex.
Stewie: No, what are you not getting? I put a sample of my DNa in a syringe and I injected her on the staircase, on the couch, and on the balcony.
Brian: Stewie! Stewie! Are you ok?
Stewie: (falsetto) You gotta kiss him to wake him up.
Brian: I'm not going to kiss you!
Stewie: Stewie can't hear you. He's not awake. Only a kiss will wake him up!
Brian: Well, I better get Meg.
Stewie: Oh, oh where am I?
Bertram: You're about to be yesterday's hopscotch chalk on the sidewalk Stewie! (Pause) Erased!
Stewie: Yea, yea, I got the metaphor.
Stewie: That's my name. Don't wear it out!
Leonardo da Vinci: Ahahahahaha!
Stewie: See, that's brand new to him.
Brian: So that means you're Italian.
Stewie: Of course! My love for spaghetti-o's and smoking on the toilet! It all makes sense!
Stewie: Well, I'm off to the farmer's market. I've got to pick up some plutonium for a return pad, in case I decide to make another universe later.
Brian: Plutonium? At the farmer's market?
Stewie: Yep, I'm only using organic plutonium now. Think locally; buy organically.
Stewie: Hey slut, get me out of this.
Huh, that's weird. Black guys usually don't promote themselves.
Chris: Aunt Carol, Mom says you'd make a great Florida whore, what does that mean?
Lois: Oh haha haha, Chris, I said that about Kate Hudson!
Stewie: You know, I always thought I'd make a great Florida whore.
Help me get some of Peter's tools out of the gay-rage.