Stewie Griffin Quotes
Stewie: Ah, things'll work out for you. Now, come on, let's forget our problems and get lost in the world of books. [picks up a book] Ooh! "Horton Hears Domestic Violence in the Next Apartment and Doesn't Call 911!"
[Cutaway to Horton the Elephant sitting in a chair reading a book. From another room, we hear a couple arguing]
Man: You think it's easy working all day?!
Man: You think I like it?!
Woman: I don't think it's easy, but, yes, I do think you like it!
Man: No, I- yeah, I like being away from you, 'cause I can't stand looking at you!
Woman: You- [we hear a blow land. She screams and starts sobbing]
Man: Hey, you think I wanna do that?! YOU THINK I WANNA HURT YOU?!
Woman: NOT IN FRONT OF THE BABY- [we hear another blow land, and another scream, followed by more sobbing]
Man: I DON'T WANNA HURT YOU! YOU MAKE ME HURT YOU!
Horton: [to himself] I'm sure there's two sides to this.
Brian: Wish it, Want it, Do it.
Stewie: Love it!
What? Writing's the only thing giving your alcoholism any credibility!
Look at what they used to pack up boxes of your books! Shredded up pieces of your books!
Stewie: It's True Blood.
Brian: No one knows what that is.
Stewie: Rich, gay people do.
Stewie: How do you not know that your reflection in the patio door isn't another dog?
Brian: Hey, that guy is a dick.
If anyone's gonna take that bitch down, it's gonna be me.
Stewie: I think a lot of people were looking at me like I was really attractive which makes me think I'm going to grow up to be really good looking.
Brian: What part of that statement is supposed to lure me into a conversation?
Stewie: I talk to you about wet tennis balls!
I can't help feeling this would be sadder if she weren't heavy....
Darth Vader/Stewie: Luke.
Darth Vader/Stewie: Wait, Luke?
Darth Vader/Stewie: Luke Skywalker?
Darth Vader/Stewie: Oh my god, this is so silly. I was trying to call Luke Adams, his number is right next to yours in my helmet.
Join me and we can rule the galaxy as father and son! Y'know? I mean it doesn't have to be as father and son, it can be just as, a-y'know- as two really close guys who just happen to be men y'know, just, two good-lookin' guys sharin' a cramped office runnin' the galaxy together-y'know just, gettin' the job done y'know- maybe we, maybe we do it occasionally but its not weird y'know cause we're just, two guys with ragin' goals y'know? I mean its not even about the doin' it part- but thats a part of it- but its not- its not the whole thing.Darth Vader/Stewie
Darth Vader/Stewie: Oh, come on, Luke, come join the Dark Side! It's really cool!
Luke/Chris: Well I don't know. Whose on it?
Darth Vader/Stewie: Well um... there's me, the Emperor. This guy Scott,. you'll meet him he's awesome...