Stewie Griffin Quotes
Stewie: So Olivia... beautiful day.
Olivia: You're not gonna fart again are you?
Stewie: Well I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total bitch
Stewie: Ah-hah! So they do make bigger diapers. That deceitful woman told me I'd have to learn to use the toilet! Well, fie on the toilet! It's made slaves of you all. I've seen it sitting in there: lazy, slothful, porcelain lay-about, feeding on other people's doo doos while contributing nothing of its own to society. You get a job!
By all means, turn me into a child star. Perhaps I can move to Californ-i-a and wrangle me a three-way with the Olsen twins
Meg: I'm sure the money clip will be safe in my room.
Stewie: I'm sure it will be lost throughout the pictures of Justin Timberlake or Tom Cruise or ... blast, who the devil do teenagers like ... or Morgan Freeman
Mrs. Pewterschmidt: Would you like a piece of candy?
Stewie: I smell death on you
Jeff Foxworthy: You know you're a redneck, when your gun rack has a gun rack on it.
Stewie: You suck!
Criminal [on TV]: First I'm gonna bang my girlfriend, and then I'm gonna kill Chris Griffin!
Stewie: Good Lord! Can he really say "bang my girlfriend" on TV?
Stewie: Well! Look at you there! Oh, you're a filthy girl, aren't you? Yees, yees, you're looking for a bad time, that's what you're after! Oh, you're a dirty flirt. You want it bad and you don't care who you get it from because you have no self-respect, and that gets you off, doesn't it? Aruff!
Lois: Stewie! Bad boy! That's Mommy's make-up. Oh, and you got it all over your father's favorite shirt. Now go to your room!
Brian: Wow. The evidence is really piling up.
Stewie: Make any joke you want. You know I look good
How ya doin' there, Big Guy? You holdin' up okay? You wanna sooda? ...Ah, screw it, I tried
Peter: Hey, c'mon Stewie. Your mom and I have something for you.
Stewie: Oh let me guess, you picked out yet another colorful box with a crank that I'm expected to turn and turn and turn, until, whoop, big shock, a jack pops out. And you laugh and the kids laugh and the dog laughs and I die a little inside
Lois: What's going on down here?
Stewie: Uhh... we're playing House.
Lois: That boy's all tied up.
Stewie: Roman Polanski's House
Stewie [imitating Brian]: I'm the dog! I'm well-read and have a diverse stock portfolio, but am not above eating grass clippings and regurgitating them on the small braided rug in front of the door.
Brian [imitating Stewie]: I'm a pompous little anti-Christ who will probably abandon my plans for world domination when I fall for a rough trick named Jim