Dammit Brian, you can't die! We were gonna do so many things together! We were gonna become windsurfers! I was gonna be a little better than you, but we were both gonna be good.

How does it feel to be the least-cultured person at a bus station?

Well, looks like Archibald Meatpants is gonna have a fun night.

Look, it's not like we've got a lot to live for. I'm just going to end up like Chris, only I'll be smart enough to realize how miserable I am.

The porn is free but we have to watch it in the lobby.

It says here there's a continental breakfast. Oh...the continent is Africa.

Stewie: I haven't had this much fun since I hosted the Oscars! (cutaway scene starts)
Stewie: Good evening. I just want to say that I have the utmost respect for women everywhere. And also the Jews. Good night.
(Newspaper spins in: "Best Oscars Ever!")

You see that, Brian? That's going to be our penises later, right?

Brian: Oh my god, Stewie, it worked! We're in Vegas!
Stewie: Yeah, alright! Let's go to the hospital, get checked for teleportation cancer, and then party!

Lois: Oh my God! We've been burglarized!
Stewie: Well, we'll just have to get that $17 insurance check and start over.

Lois: Look, I realize Quahog isn't the small town it used to be, but it's still very special to me. It's my home.
Stewie: Yeah, come on guys, she's got dyed roots in this community.

Lois: An increase in crime? That can't be right. I haven't noticed anything like that.
Stewie: You're in the house 14 hours a day, what would you notice?

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Bill Clinton: All right, are you ready for another round of N.A.F.T.A
Lois Griffin: What does N.A.F.T.A. mean?
Bill Clinton: 'Nother Afternoon of F****** That Ass!