Family Guy

Sundays 9:00 PM on FOX
Family guy

Brian: So that means you're Italian.
Stewie: Of course! My love for spaghetti-o's and smoking on the toilet! It all makes sense!
Brian: Ew.

Stewie: Well, I'm off to the farmer's market. I've got to pick up some plutonium for a return pad, in case I decide to make another universe later.
Brian: Plutonium? At the farmer's market?
Stewie: Yep, I'm only using organic plutonium now. Think locally; buy organically.
Stewie: Hey slut, get me out of this.

Huh, that's weird. Black guys usually don't promote themselves.

Chris: Aunt Carol, Mom says you'd make a great Florida whore, what does that mean?
Lois: Oh haha haha, Chris, I said that about Kate Hudson!
Stewie: You know, I always thought I'd make a great Florida whore.

Help me get some of Peter's tools out of the gay-rage.

She slams us against the monkey bars but none of us have the language skills to call her on it.

I see you have something new going on this week but there's a new teacher in pre-school who deactivates the camera and hits us.

Good lord! Am I a... porn baby?!

BILF! Total BILF! Yeah, it's going
totally good... I got about six pacifiers now.

Let's go find a big, black, sassy, nurse. There's always one

Oh interesting, interesting theory Brian. Are you going to tell me Elmo isn't real? Are you going to tell me Spongebob isn't real? And Curious George?

No one vomits at the North Pole, except for Santa's wife, because she has an eating disorder!

Displaying quotes 85 - 96 of 412 in total

Family Guy Quotes

"That's cray cray in a good way, right there."

Cleveland Brown

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

× Close Ad